5 Awesome Friday

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Sorry for the lack of updates this week, I should have just popped in and wrote for 5 or 10 minutes once or twice for small entries, but I was busy at work and I get the feeling no one really cares about my personal thoughts. That being said, on with the awesomeness:

1. HEY!


For some reason this video really cracked me up. The randomness combined with the different voices just made me really enjoy it. If you have a few minutes to spare and dont feel like thinking, give it a watch. Plus dinosaurs are totally fucking awesome.

2. Snapple Peach Mangosteen



This is my favorite Jewish flavor of Snapple. Actually mangosteen is not Jewish, but a very rare fruit from Indonesia. Supposedly it sells for $45+ per pound in New York City because the maturation, shipping and storage of the fruit is very fickle. The wiki page has all sorts of big words and bullshit taxonomy terms, so here is a description I found on Wegman's website for it:

"All natural ingredients with vitamins A, C & E. Made from the best stuff on Earth. Naturally flavored peach mangosteen juice drink with other natural flavors. 10% Juice. Rumor has it that Queen Victoria of England offered knighthood to anyone who could bring her a Mangosteen in edible condition. Easy enough, you say? Malarkey! This fruit soon became known as the queen of fruits. What makes it so precious is that when discovered, it required 5 years to grow in extreme tropical conditions in far-off lands. It's no picnic to harvest, either: The usual method is to climb the tree to avoid letting the fruit hit the ground or be handled roughly. Oh, and did we mention that Snapple Peach Mangosteen has immunity building qualities? Enjoy, your majesty."

The best part was when they said "Malarkey!". If I wrote my own review it would go a little something like this:

"This is one of the most delicious juice drinks I have ever imbibed. This guy who knows tons of stuff about rare fruit told me that Jesus created this fruit as a by product of one of his miracles. He teleported to the tropical forests of Indonesia and planted the leftover seeds, then jizzed all over the ground where he planted them. The end result was the devine fruit you are enjoying today. If you are a dude and you are worried that its gay to be drinking it because of how Jesus fertilized it, dont worry, its totally not gay. Even if it was, the ends justify the means. Fag."

To buy 12 of these for $19.95 (+ s/h), click here. You could probably just go to any local store and buy 12 @ $1.79 each and pay $22.77 total, but ordering things through the mail is much more fun. Especially when you pay shipping costs for a 20 lb. box of liquid and glass! UPS will have a field day with that, so buy the insurance!



3. International Sushi Day was yesterday and I celebrated by getting a few rolls for lunch. 4 Pieces each of salmon roll, tuna roll, and spicy tuna roll (with these crunchy flakes of god knows what on top) and a salad (with the awesome ginger dressing) for $8.99. Thats a pretty good deal but I still dont understand why sushi is so expensive. Its rice, seaweed, vegetables, and a small portion of fish. It is sort of labor intensive, but still, it should be cheaper. Let me break down some of the sushi rolls I am familiar with:

California rolls are good for beginners and also because you basically cant fuck it up, I used to love these but I have opened my horizons. Dont get me wrong, I still will eat them no questions asked, and sometimes when you go to a Chinese buffet, they will have this as an option. I like to call this "sushi with training wheels".



Philadelphia rolls are one of my all-time favorites. A lot of people dont really like the idea of combining cream cheese and raw salmon, but its really really good. The soft, creaminess of the cheese is a good contrast with the other ingredients. If you were an assassin and used this dish to get the job done on your mark, I bet it would be called a Killadelphia roll. LOLZZZZZZZZZZZ.



My new favorite rolls are spicy tuna rolls. They must take the tuna and finely dice it and then mix it in a spicy paste, because the filling is very different from regular tuna. Its not overly spicy, but it has a good heat to it and is even better if you get crunchy spicy tuna. If a Viking had to pick a choice of sushi, this might not be it, but he certainly wouldnt complain.



One of the more extravagant rolls I have had so far is called a spider roll. Its softshell crab rolled with rice and fish roe and its delicious to the power of mouthwatering. It comes with this special sauce that they drizzle over it. Im not sure whats in it (probably gross fish parts) but its like a thin chipolte mayo with an Asian twist. Two of the pieces come with a HUGE piece of softshell crab (pictured) which is also great. Its hard to fit it all in your mouth, but your mom gave me some tips on how to do it because shes good at stuff like that.



4. Atlantic City is a great place if you like gambling, drinking, or hookers. My uh, friend, um, told me that you go to Lexington Avenue if you are in the market for some pay by the hour love. Im going to Atlantic City tonight and Im really pumped. I havent been there yet this spring/summer so it will be good to see a lot of people I went to college with. Im staying at the Trump Marina with some friends, so not only will the room be fairy inexpensive, I also wont have to sleep in a ditch like usual. Ha just kidding, I sleep in the backseat of my car. Ok kidding again, but I did actually do that once...and I used my graduation gown as a blanket/cover. The Marina looks pretty baller:



On the other side there is the Marina part...which means boats, docks, and water. I hope I dont get too intoxicated and try to steal a boat. On the otherhand I hope I do and it becomes a high speed chase up and down the Jersey Coast. High speed chases are always 10x better if there is an ongoing shoot-out, so maybe Ill pawn some stuff in the seedy part of AC and get a burner.

During the night, I think we are going this place The Chelsea, which is a new Hotel/Lounge/Goofy neon eyesore. A friend who is a promoter is getting us guest listed, so I can save money on the overpriced cover to put it towards overpriced drinks. You win some you lose some. Still should be awesome. Not sure if Im going to gamble (because alcohol + gambling = bad decisions) but who knows, unpredictable is my confirmation name. I bet these lights attract a lot of moths:



5. Father's Day Phillies game. I think this is the sixth or seventh straight and probably 10+ overall Father's Day Phillies game I have been to. The hats are usually pretty interesting and I think this is the third bucket hat I will be getting from the promo giveaway. I cant find a picture online, so I had to take a screenshot of it:



Now I already have a khaki Phillies bucket hat...but this one is better because of the American flag style 'P'. Patriotism rules! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! They are playing the Baltimore Orioles and everyone knows they are the most communist team in the AL. Fuck you Baltimore.

On a more serious note, I really enjoy Father's Day. I really look up to and admire my dad but he is really hard to buy presents for. If he sees something he wants he usually just buys it on the spot, thats just the way he is. I remember being 13 or 14 and I told him how hard it is and he told me simply getting to hang out just me and him was the best present I could get him. I still like buying him a gift, but I always make myself available for Father's Day no matter what and love getting to hang out just the two of us. So for all 6 of you readers out there, spend some time with your dad and enjoy it, because no matter how your relationship is, deep down he loves you more than anything and couldnt be prouder of you. Play ball!

2 comments:

jemainejones33 said...

im going to the phillies game on fathers day with my pop too

Lamp said...

That's the worst looking hat I ever seen. I bet when you get a hat like that you get a free bowl of soup, huh?

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