I figured I would start something new here where every Friday I will post 5 cool things that will totally blow your mind and/or melt your face off. If you dont think these things are awesome then go fly a kite with your debate team.
1. Lil Wayne just came out with a song about Kobe. I heard this on Power99 last night and was bumpin' it as I sped down 76...in the youtube version Weezy comes in around the :50 second mark. I suggest you listen to this while drinking a 40 at an inner city basketball court. Make friends with the locals by bringing extra & also possibly a marijuana cigar.
2. Today is National Donut Day. I used to love them as a kid but dont really eat that many anymore. If you want some history about this magical day, check this site out. Its still pretty early in the morning, but Ive already learned my one new thing for the day. Do you know why donuts have holes in the middle of them? Its because it allows them to cook more evenly. All these years Ive just assumed that the bakers were perverts and handled the food in unsanitary manners...if you catch my drift. My favorite donut is pictured below. If you dont know that it is a Boston creme then you either are retarded or like jelly donuts. Not the food. The one wear you blow a dude and then he rocks you in the jaw. Suck on that.
The Boston creme donut is the state donut of Massachusetts, something I also didnt know. What is the state donut of Pennsylvania? Not sure, but if they name it after the state's best city, Philadelphia, it will most likely contain cheese wiz or empty bullet casings. Possibly even served with a side of murder sauce.
3. D-Day. On June 6th, 1944, the largest amphibious invasion force EVER was launched against the heavily fortified northern coast of France. By the end of the day American, Canadian, and British forces held a foothold in Axis territory and thus marked a turning point in World War II. 195,000 men in 5,000 would leave English harbors that day, with 160,000 of those men making beach landings. Ive read many books about WWII and D-Day in particular and the size and scope of this operation and the planning/training that went into it is mind boggling. Tomorrow is the 65th anniversary of the landings and I for one hold great esteem for the day. Many of our relatives had a part in the war effort and I applaud all Allied soldiers who sacrificed themselves for freedom. Learn more here and also watch the opening beach scene from Saving Private Ryan:
4. Time Machines are totally kick-ass. If I had a time machine the first thing I would do is go back in time and make a ton of sports bets and stock moves. Then I would come back to present day and roll around in my huge Scrooge Mcduck style vault on top of all my riches. After I had the present day riches secured, I would start having some fun with it. I would like to go back in time and punch Hitler right in the face. I would go back and rail Cleopatra. I would go back and play practical jokes on cavemen. The possibilities are endless. To be honest I would mostly use it to go back and bang hot historical chicks. And not even use a condom! Here is what H.G. Wells' wanted his time machine to look like:
Mine would be at least 100x sweeter than this. First off, I would throw some spinners on it even though it doesnt have wheels, but spinners are key when it comes to time travel. Next, I would install a mini-fridge stocked with peach snapple and premade Italian hoagies, because everyone knows they dont have that shit in the past. Plus time travel makes you hungry. Lastly, I would install some sort of machine gun on top, just in case people from the past try to kill me. I know I just said lastly, but I would also stock the cargo area with extra machine gun ammunition and probably a couple of grenades.
This is sort of related, but I was just thinking what if you had to go to the bathroom while you were traveling through time? If you just took a dump off the side while in transit, would your dump randomly appear at some point in history? Like some serf in 1300s France gets hit in the head with a big brown log from my lower intestine. What about if I peed off the side? Would my pee just appear over the course of hundreds of years as Im traveling? If anyone reading is an expert on Quantum Physics and the effects of defecating off the side of a time machine, please comment.
5. Tokyo Flash watches. This company makes all these futuristic watches that dont use normal analog or digital ways to portray the time. Example:
See I think these look cool as fuck. I wouldnt really care if I couldnt tell the time since I always have my cell phone on me. These watches are conversation starters. If I ever buy a Tokyo Flash watch, I imagine the following happening:
(loud music is playing at a bar while our hero sips a bourbon & cola)
Hot ass chick who looks like Mila Kunis: Hey thats an interesting watch
Me: Yeah it is.
Her: How do you tell what time it is?
Me: Super brain power and an assortment of algorithms.
Her: So what time is it right now?
Me: Time for us to bone...right here...right now.
Her: That sounds like the best idea I have ever heard. But only because you have such an interesting watch. I also like your cologne, Is that what pure awesomeness smells like?
Me: Stop talking so much bitch.
So as you can see, there are really no downsides of owning a watch like this. Except its like $150. One day, I will have this watch though. All the loose change I save everyday is going to be purely for this. On top of that, Im going to try to put aside $5 per week so Im thinking by mid-Fall Ill have this watch. Ill even post pictures of it on my sexy wrist to prove it.
Next Friday Ill post about five more awesome things. If you have any suggestions, email me or leave them in the comments. Also, I am unsure about what I should have for lunch. You can also leave a suggestion about that. But do it soon, its almost lunchtime.