Who's the Boss?

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Tonight is the last Bruce Springsteen concert ever to be played at the Spectrum and both of my roommates are going. They deny its a man date but I can guarantee that some arm around shoulder crooning will happen at least once tonight. More like fifteen times, but lets move on. As it is well known, Bruce Springsteen is also known as "The Boss", but what makes his claim to the throne more legitimate than others that have gone by the same moniker. This prompted me to research some of the other great "Boss" men out there. For sake of ease and your short attention spans, Ill start with Bruce himself:

Bruce Springsteen

  • From New Jersey (Born in the USA)
  • 65 million albums sold in America alone
  • 19 Grammy Awards
  • Makes a mean crab dip
  • Born to Run

Rick Ross


  • Took name after notorious Miami coke dealer
  • Middle name is Leonard
  • Self-claimed biggest boss that you've seen thus far
  • Hustles everyday
  • Former corrections officer (hurts street cred)

Boss Tweed

  • Undisputed leader of Tammany Hall
  • Sits on throne of canvas sacks with dollar signs on them
  • Embezzled from 1.5 to 8 billion dollars ($2009) from NYC
  • Avid stamp collector
  • Doesnt look both ways when crossing street

Tony Danza

Bowser

  • The original Mario boss
  • Can either throw hammers or spit fire
  • Found in 8-bit displays of fury
  • Loves scalding hot magma and trick bridges
  • Wanted to have some sort of weird reptile sex w/ the Princess

Ross Geller

  • Not really a boss at all, but his name rhymes with it
  • Alter ego is David Schwimmer, no discernable differences
  • Has a PHd in being a douche and made his first wife turn gay
  • Has a hot sister that I would bone
  • Gets punched in the face in real life all the time

I thought about setting this up, bracket style, but then I realized an old fashioned cage match would be a better way to decide this. Right off the bat Rick Ross opens fire on the competition with his double gold plated .50 cal Desert Eagles. Geller and Tweed fall immediately while Tony Danza injures his head in a ski incident. Bruce Springsteen lets loose with a barrage of unintelligible song lyrics about New Jersey which momentarily stun Rick Ross, quieting his "gats" for the time being. Bowser seems to realize that he is a prehistoric force to be reckoned with and goes berserk with fireballs, engulfing the ring in a huge conflagration. Since he can only be defeated by someone jumping on top of his head and the rest of the so-called "Bosses" are Colonel Sanders crisp, Bowser is your ultimate Boss in my opinion. Are you surprised? Look at the blog title and substitute "lasers" with "fire balls" and "cock" with "mouth". Boom roasted.

You can vote for whoever you want in the sexy ass comment section or vote in the poll. Preferably both. Just leave your name, favorite pizza topping, and who you think is the Boss. Note: You are wrong and retarded if you dont pick Bowser.



1 Comentário:

Tim Olsen said...

TimO, mushroom, Tony Danza

and I officially approve this blog!

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