Fuck Ethics

About 20 minutes ago I was approached by a manager who asked if I had been getting emails from HR about taking online ethics courses. My email has been screwy ever since I took up my new position for some reason, so a lot of the time I dont get emails sent directly to me from Deluxe, our parent company. I saw her approaching so I X-ed out of Chrome, which had up Gmail and some other non-work related sites and opened up IE which takes you right to our company home page. I really thought it was about my internet usage because sometime I click links that bring my to pages blocked by our filter but it wasnt. She had me log into our page and go to our own personal "HR Online" page where I could view this ethics page. Apparently I missed the July 1st deadline to take the 'Preventing Workplace Harassment' lesson.

Do I really need a lesson telling me not to hit on the women, tell racist jokes, or send death threats via email? Whatever, if I cant whip my dick out at chicks, refer to people as "spear chuckers" or tell that asshole who walks around with enough fucking jangly change in his pockets to fill a piggy bank that Im going to suffocate him to death if he doesnt switch to paper money, then what is the point? Now I need to read a 50 page lesson on this and then take a quiz at the end. I hope its not just multiple choice because I like to write my own answers in. True or false; showing your genitalia makes others uncomfortable. FALSE. It makes girls lady parts turn into a Six Flags waterpark and guys so jealous that they buy lifetime supplies of Extenze.

I did a Google image search for "sexual harassment" and here are some pictures that caught my eye:

"LOL. FILING IS HILARIOUS AND MY SAUCER OF TEA IS DELICIOUS"

This guy is just pulling that old trick where you tap one shoulder when you are really on the other side. You know the one, after she looks the wrong way you pull your dick out and swing it in helicopter motions.

"Your hair smells so good...I...love...your scent...Is that...PANTENE PRO V?!?!??!"

"Excuse me smiling Asian geisha, you are hindering my ability to scale this shelf of files."

As a future workplace sexual harasser, this is something that I hope to one day have hanging on my wall next to my diploma and picture I took with the Phillie Phanatic.

So Im going to take the test on Friday & Ill let you know how I did. If anyone reading has any tips on how to NOT sexually harass those working around me that would be super.