Smile at the Camera

I found this website that posts goofy family photos and makes a quip about the picture. Most of them were stupid or uncreative so I thought I would pull a OJ and take a stab at it. What? Was that in bad taste? Moving right along...

This family loves a day at the slopes. A little skiing, building a snow man, touching dad's leg...
I wonder how many panties dropped as a result of this picture for these kids in high school. This ranks #7 on worst things to show someone from your wallet...right behind "a rusty blood-stained razor blade" and right in front of "membership to NAMBLA"

Is this Aladdin's family all grown up?

Radagast the Curly in the back cast a Level 17 Ultimate Virginity spell on himself before putting on that outfit.

World's Best Dad, Im going to need you to take your creep smile down to a level six. I would bone your wife though, Ill give you that...oh and probably kick your dog on the way out.

"Hey lets get a family picture"

"Great Idea, Sue!"

"Wait lets all surround ourselves around Mom and Dad while they make out!"

"Another fantastic idea Sue, but can the grandkids also watch?"

"I dont see why not"

"Ok wonderful! Everyone take their positions!"

"Wait, lets all wear varying shades of blue to give off a Canadian Tuxedo vibe."

"Sue you are on fire today!"

Idiots.

OK I know this is 80s/early 90s but when was it ok to look like this. "Hey lets look like DOUBLE the asshole by posing with our identically dressed twins!". 10 extra points for what look like ass-less leather chaps over your acid-wash denim. Before I go to bed tonight Im going to pray that these people still pose for this picture every year...except that the dudes have gone bald and rock skullets.

Mr. and Mrs. 2009 Black Captain America.

AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!

Is this a recipe for a dysfunctional childhood? Mom get a razor for Christ sake and Dad please get your balls out of my face

I wish there were more pictures for me to post but the rest either werent funny or they had weird URLs and wouldnt let me link them. I thought about doing a Google image search and posting my own, but I think Ive looked at enough weirdos for the day. That is, until I go to my Quidditch practice today! Shotgun Gryffendor! No way you were Gryffendor last time! Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmm, he wont give me back my wand! Magical PEW PEW PEW.

Who's the Boss?

Tonight is the last Bruce Springsteen concert ever to be played at the Spectrum and both of my roommates are going. They deny its a man date but I can guarantee that some arm around shoulder crooning will happen at least once tonight. More like fifteen times, but lets move on. As it is well known, Bruce Springsteen is also known as "The Boss", but what makes his claim to the throne more legitimate than others that have gone by the same moniker. This prompted me to research some of the other great "Boss" men out there. For sake of ease and your short attention spans, Ill start with Bruce himself:

Bruce Springsteen

• From New Jersey (Born in the USA)
• 65 million albums sold in America alone
• 19 Grammy Awards
• Makes a mean crab dip
• Born to Run

Rick Ross

• Took name after notorious Miami coke dealer
• Middle name is Leonard
• Self-claimed biggest boss that you've seen thus far
• Hustles everyday
• Former corrections officer (hurts street cred)

Boss Tweed

• Undisputed leader of Tammany Hall
• Sits on throne of canvas sacks with dollar signs on them
• Embezzled from 1.5 to 8 billion dollars ($2009) from NYC
• Avid stamp collector
• Doesnt look both ways when crossing street

Tony Danza

• Successful sitcom star
• Can juggle chainsaws
• Once flipped his Go-Kart on live morning television
• May be half-retarded or Rocky Balboa's bastard child

Bowser

• The original Mario boss
• Can either throw hammers or spit fire
• Found in 8-bit displays of fury
• Loves scalding hot magma and trick bridges
• Wanted to have some sort of weird reptile sex w/ the Princess

Ross Geller

• Not really a boss at all, but his name rhymes with it
• Alter ego is David Schwimmer, no discernable differences
• Has a PHd in being a douche and made his first wife turn gay
• Has a hot sister that I would bone
• Gets punched in the face in real life all the time

I thought about setting this up, bracket style, but then I realized an old fashioned cage match would be a better way to decide this. Right off the bat Rick Ross opens fire on the competition with his double gold plated .50 cal Desert Eagles. Geller and Tweed fall immediately while Tony Danza injures his head in a ski incident. Bruce Springsteen lets loose with a barrage of unintelligible song lyrics about New Jersey which momentarily stun Rick Ross, quieting his "gats" for the time being. Bowser seems to realize that he is a prehistoric force to be reckoned with and goes berserk with fireballs, engulfing the ring in a huge conflagration. Since he can only be defeated by someone jumping on top of his head and the rest of the so-called "Bosses" are Colonel Sanders crisp, Bowser is your ultimate Boss in my opinion. Are you surprised? Look at the blog title and substitute "lasers" with "fire balls" and "cock" with "mouth". Boom roasted.

You can vote for whoever you want in the sexy ass comment section or vote in the poll. Preferably both. Just leave your name, favorite pizza topping, and who you think is the Boss. Note: You are wrong and retarded if you dont pick Bowser.