tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42273634054687732272024-03-05T10:03:01.093-05:00The Blog That Looks Both Ways Before Crossing The Streetincluding youRDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-79882361054266916652009-12-08T15:26:00.007-05:002009-12-09T11:16:18.503-05:00Fun with emails<div>Long time, no post I know but bare with me. Ive been sitting on this for almost two months and I almost forgot about it. The back story is my friend got placed on a large <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">listserve</span> that was planning some dude's bachelor party. After a few days of getting random emails he decided to let me in on it. Of course I wanted to participate. I was giggling away at my computer just thinking of the possibilities. Ive provided screen snaps of how exactly this all went down. Here is our initial conversation about it. Note my obvious excitement about throwing around stripper jokes. </div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4cK8bstzD6ehViLkdrtGVItnJb2HUnf3lKj6VY3EtbwGmZLVv5lKyICh3iGpl8Rd_OJDgVV7YLMQLXHH6fWF_1-6XlNz2NPUOG8N63CwZGfbiWO0LuhEc9k7AO9Rlwnt1zmcByfU4Sc4/s1600-h/bach.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4cK8bstzD6ehViLkdrtGVItnJb2HUnf3lKj6VY3EtbwGmZLVv5lKyICh3iGpl8Rd_OJDgVV7YLMQLXHH6fWF_1-6XlNz2NPUOG8N63CwZGfbiWO0LuhEc9k7AO9Rlwnt1zmcByfU4Sc4/s400/bach.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412966321343121650" /></a>Short lull in the conversation. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Ok</span> ready? Here we go.<br /><div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOKcReSO3agxcWyfRit9A86-4fib3pHFX9EieZLBprO3DbP1IgxUDsUBMg-Hq8oaBHIcT9c7rEdpU80HVueSQm7vcXvmNLPs_WZZl7af-RvEmSdfhDv1j19XKOqO9BWuAXoqo3pE_MkSU/s1600-h/bach01.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 348px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOKcReSO3agxcWyfRit9A86-4fib3pHFX9EieZLBprO3DbP1IgxUDsUBMg-Hq8oaBHIcT9c7rEdpU80HVueSQm7vcXvmNLPs_WZZl7af-RvEmSdfhDv1j19XKOqO9BWuAXoqo3pE_MkSU/s400/bach01.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412966317799942306" /></a>This is the first email that was forwarded to me. Its pretty mundane but it is funny to notice Pat is on the "IN" list, yet he has never responded to any emails...</div><div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixmy_htBFRDWpP0uttzQntDYR9KayLD7ghA3AlUV9deQL47v1Tg6LSppf1RR0OmJoPTJqs_vtFNlA1OLvJOL3dHJOX4LIJvPMViphJHK4f3_zVZ7pvblzYKI1Ktqqqt6ybW9h8AUIEckY/s1600-h/bach1.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 370px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixmy_htBFRDWpP0uttzQntDYR9KayLD7ghA3AlUV9deQL47v1Tg6LSppf1RR0OmJoPTJqs_vtFNlA1OLvJOL3dHJOX4LIJvPMViphJHK4f3_zVZ7pvblzYKI1Ktqqqt6ybW9h8AUIEckY/s400/bach1.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412966306993550050" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJXqrQ2LrGfK3ax-l4RU5D7YKtB20khcioFLVagqtpyWs4uflXGfSUqbOTzqpiwDrdon0OeSO9qXF_g3ipevasTJc4DXpd0hMXKxMQ5sP8Fhe6XCc3IzX8OX25xSIfsNOiJqv1NZI1YlM/s1600-h/bach2.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 250px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJXqrQ2LrGfK3ax-l4RU5D7YKtB20khcioFLVagqtpyWs4uflXGfSUqbOTzqpiwDrdon0OeSO9qXF_g3ipevasTJc4DXpd0hMXKxMQ5sP8Fhe6XCc3IzX8OX25xSIfsNOiJqv1NZI1YlM/s400/bach2.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412966302029122994" /></a>Until now!!!! </div><div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjolIFj7DMfo8FlD0_ugQO5X2zm8uvrTQb19Qt0CmyOoGyhKBJ3Bic5Di3w_u33PQ4VVdV6W96bvSVgsJuiX9ek3Kf1M9hfr6zVQV2Eri05lOJUwzfv8lCmJE3CIg0hd0NdzhtcNJ0vmMY/s1600-h/bach3.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 397px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjolIFj7DMfo8FlD0_ugQO5X2zm8uvrTQb19Qt0CmyOoGyhKBJ3Bic5Di3w_u33PQ4VVdV6W96bvSVgsJuiX9ek3Kf1M9hfr6zVQV2Eri05lOJUwzfv8lCmJE3CIg0hd0NdzhtcNJ0vmMY/s400/bach3.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412966302748675010" /></a><br /></div><div>This is the first email list that I was on, the previous one was forwarded to me. I could hardly contain myself at work because I was just waiting for that first response to Pat's email. I decided to jump the gun though and send out a special salutation to this email chain:</div><div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLsohlDI9JoQB9q546PJp7m12TptK6cX9-CUpfC-M7Yqxuo2n0skKcS2GSyoJ9kPvqHuEXmVBbWfUjJT3WU_SdPB9hFfEiSrfdV8hqH6NE5FxDP-xi1ngVO44qNgMfniTKd1X-tdJg2KA/s1600-h/bach4.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 369px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLsohlDI9JoQB9q546PJp7m12TptK6cX9-CUpfC-M7Yqxuo2n0skKcS2GSyoJ9kPvqHuEXmVBbWfUjJT3WU_SdPB9hFfEiSrfdV8hqH6NE5FxDP-xi1ngVO44qNgMfniTKd1X-tdJg2KA/s400/bach4.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412965913549604946" /></a>I almost lost my shit at my desk after rereading the ridiculousness and just picturing the faces of these guys. From their earlier emails I had them pegged as dorks. After the completion of our email interaction, I can say that these guys are probably pretty fun to hang out with.</div><div><br /></div><div>Also adding to my enjoyment was that I added two friends, Tony and Kevin onto the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">listserve</span>, because I know that they would get confused as shit too. I love causing confusion. I also love stereotyping people from Texas. </div><div><br /></div><div>But then there was a response!</div><div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT8dZ0yPL7uoIUV3DTkcIz3PoGQ5FV_FAu3gpwS332Y-x9SV4uGr61XLxSrMPSTlVm0yijxDRZqHQoMi1I7bkOsaJ6hRER8_vLdco_b5bP9zxcGXha4rC9ToPYETIgdOSPVyyyPEKRY9g/s1600-h/bach5.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 155px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT8dZ0yPL7uoIUV3DTkcIz3PoGQ5FV_FAu3gpwS332Y-x9SV4uGr61XLxSrMPSTlVm0yijxDRZqHQoMi1I7bkOsaJ6hRER8_vLdco_b5bP9zxcGXha4rC9ToPYETIgdOSPVyyyPEKRY9g/s400/bach5.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412965906949942418" /></a>I thought this was pretty well played. Its obvious that not everyone knew each other so this was a perfect response. </div><div><br /></div><div>Then I got a personal email from the guy who seemed to be running everything...poorly. To make it more amusing I imagined him frantic and exasperated, barely able to type out a coherent email to me. Like the world was about to end because some rogue <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">emailer</span> found their way into their chain.</div><div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisuccxO6KYcHGWodg8i9Wsv80rjveRUkcKM-d7wQnfEWrjGVNuKdm2r-Fgx-JFiBKkYvv2Q3e5t9nwpWZtHYn9IR2x2_wQQW4OvGIBg95O-4pzsLbBA0H5t1lhdrM6guKRmHrkXTZMJtg/s1600-h/bach6.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 355px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisuccxO6KYcHGWodg8i9Wsv80rjveRUkcKM-d7wQnfEWrjGVNuKdm2r-Fgx-JFiBKkYvv2Q3e5t9nwpWZtHYn9IR2x2_wQQW4OvGIBg95O-4pzsLbBA0H5t1lhdrM6guKRmHrkXTZMJtg/s400/bach6.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412965903321065202" /></a>First I had to send Josh aka "Loves to touch tips" a personal email to see if I could glean anymore funny out of him. He never responded. Asshole. But then I fired one off to Joseph, to see if I could freak him out a little more. He never wrote back either. Whatever, I probably would have made the party 10x better.</div><div><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5jJrZvTnvDChKTeje6JnTk-L8R2yE75ZEY935Zm5eaknkUvsPIGLw61yinayQV4Y4NyNK85Xoe0V_LPcBuJfRfR6b9DCjw2P6ZM7VrXa-h1o4SvYS5ds7FdTQKcsEvikFpL-rMIdOusU/s1600-h/Bach7.JPG"></a></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5jJrZvTnvDChKTeje6JnTk-L8R2yE75ZEY935Zm5eaknkUvsPIGLw61yinayQV4Y4NyNK85Xoe0V_LPcBuJfRfR6b9DCjw2P6ZM7VrXa-h1o4SvYS5ds7FdTQKcsEvikFpL-rMIdOusU/s1600-h/Bach7.JPG" style="text-decoration: none;"><img style="text-align: left;display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 350px; " src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5jJrZvTnvDChKTeje6JnTk-L8R2yE75ZEY935Zm5eaknkUvsPIGLw61yinayQV4Y4NyNK85Xoe0V_LPcBuJfRfR6b9DCjw2P6ZM7VrXa-h1o4SvYS5ds7FdTQKcsEvikFpL-rMIdOusU/s400/Bach7.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412965901243665378" /></a>The man of honor, decides to chime in with his own thoughts on sword-fighting. This was also well played. Why is your brother such a douche?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcC-gCIRWCi-e75aNGaXcf7Wac-dL-K51mIWJhAnMWuOBG3kGnOzS78fr63J605OZkP2CZkA-uSzxKx2kM2ZEl9PLdokw1wjwpNBf_k1Zd2fov_C9cOvlx9pThyfowZfML5TJanxhTFpw/s1600-h/Bach8.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 209px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcC-gCIRWCi-e75aNGaXcf7Wac-dL-K51mIWJhAnMWuOBG3kGnOzS78fr63J605OZkP2CZkA-uSzxKx2kM2ZEl9PLdokw1wjwpNBf_k1Zd2fov_C9cOvlx9pThyfowZfML5TJanxhTFpw/s400/Bach8.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412965893782223906" /></a>I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">dont</span> know why, but I thought this response was also really funny. Its probably because I pictured him as "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Raaaaaandy</span>" but with the voice of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Apu</span> from The <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Simpsons</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Im</span> not racist though, I swear. </div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv_dJwbJKl5PcBGoj1x7kFADdxgfIVPzfsKPaL0ToQLryLrlTPPvLyndwiUMh1sUZx0uGavDyvDOO_ZJr1a7Z8W2i-xd-_eMho7jpzBoWKLiV3sKo3PFR1LZmwjXi3ek7vLjTETtch5rU/s1600-h/Bach9.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 277px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv_dJwbJKl5PcBGoj1x7kFADdxgfIVPzfsKPaL0ToQLryLrlTPPvLyndwiUMh1sUZx0uGavDyvDOO_ZJr1a7Z8W2i-xd-_eMho7jpzBoWKLiV3sKo3PFR1LZmwjXi3ek7vLjTETtch5rU/s400/Bach9.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412965668744222114" /></a>Since I was already 0-2 on personal responses, the third time had to be a charm. I figured since me and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Ayman</span> shared an affinity for <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">activities</span> (CALL ME!!) that he would also be down with forts. "Moat ya later" <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">doesnt</span> really make sense, but if you cant tell, I was in a extremely goofy mood. I do still hold onto hope that when its time for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Ayman's</span> bachelor party that I am included in the activity planning. (Like laser tag! PEW^3)<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj73nCYcvDig1pTdlEh-5zqv5GaZFpim4Vl6JobSuyW4pdC1TKhcrMBUVr95OSSWc-sExT-3kE79SA497zfNIcX4J38iCcNkidSfGVN9A55IFOukbgs0VMEsI-j1dc2UXUC1Z2LlL4jyaM/s400/Bach11.JPG" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 135px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412965658538063458" />Pat's friend Andy also had a good email. Not making this up, but when I read it for the first time I thought it was one of the randoms messing with us back. Not sure why, maybe it was a lack of reading comprehension since it has his name twice. Go seals.</div><div><br /><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPe5IwVey1AeWDSYRYqYiCLtJSeTztwnwuDr11cwA7sI5SxtwBYrN3OVBgHoyCRGxJe2Cti0nqv1coOcZo9iU0ZTekmSwZFMWaf-Qw9i1rcx1RaSLJEAb4Yd_O6BBaHcdG5El7w1rHDmM/s400/bach10.JPG" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 255px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412965662669073842" /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">This is when I knew the jig was up...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaXP3UtcXTKOQdyIZpwOgwbRv2-YPnSpw7whh84FSebbu4vnrH3_ZM6ImvF4nPKn71qJqng5CqC3KmiP8zPXkUrE7aQYq1i8ZAHBqh6YuNwQxKEroKWyIr4DY06IO90AqnMhw_bH3txZk/s1600-h/bach12.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 398px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaXP3UtcXTKOQdyIZpwOgwbRv2-YPnSpw7whh84FSebbu4vnrH3_ZM6ImvF4nPKn71qJqng5CqC3KmiP8zPXkUrE7aQYq1i8ZAHBqh6YuNwQxKEroKWyIr4DY06IO90AqnMhw_bH3txZk/s400/bach12.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412965656097295202" /></a>The real Pat <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Lockerd</span> sounds like a real cool dude. I still crack up when I reread this. "Only hookers dying on this trip will be on purpose". <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Thats</span> golden. I think I just found the title of my bachelor party. </div><div><br /></div><div>After not getting any responses to my personal emails, I figured that this thing had to come to an end. I tried to go out with a bang and hopefully I did. No one responded to this either. Its <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">ok</span>, Ill catch up to them <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">niggas</span> in February. I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE PARTYING AT DUDES.</div><div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKT7MVXmuu4Yx-EF9BH5eBCxvX-Ty-4W9xCyB6WbQmoDi0xPIw6qPbAB7zLMvwY0ZG826uwL78jmMMrpcDMFQWKTBajnfgjzC2kU4BFHYt0bMwvVmJEWodCvvD_bJS2xhl0hiLrZZCaUg/s1600-h/bach13.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 341px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKT7MVXmuu4Yx-EF9BH5eBCxvX-Ty-4W9xCyB6WbQmoDi0xPIw6qPbAB7zLMvwY0ZG826uwL78jmMMrpcDMFQWKTBajnfgjzC2kU4BFHYt0bMwvVmJEWodCvvD_bJS2xhl0hiLrZZCaUg/s400/bach13.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412965650565449746" /></a><br /></div><div>They neglected to take Pat off the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">listserve</span> because he kept getting sporadic emails about the upcoming bachelor party. It was a fun ride while it lasted. </div><div><br /></div><div>In other site news, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Im</span> getting my laptop fixed for Christmas, so I hope to revamp this by early January 2010. Like always, if you want me to write about a certain topic, just leave it in the comments. But nothing about Vampires. Thanks. </div>RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-73352873107212838182009-07-08T15:51:00.004-04:002009-07-08T16:02:52.485-04:00HEY! LOOK OVER HERE!Two of my friends are also bloggers and I figured I would take some time out of my busy baller schedule and give them some spotlight.<br /><br />My friend Alex has a very well written and thought provoking blog, with many subject areas focusing on the recent college graduate. He did a piece with <a href="http://www.philalawyer.net/">PhilaLawyer</a> detailing his own personal experiences with the job bubble bust. I personally think he is one of the front runners in doing things in a new way as opposed to staying inside the box with your degree and working until you have enough money to retire in 30 years. You can find the blog/article <a href="http://www.philalawyer.net/archives/graduating_into.phtml">here</a>. A very intelligent give-and-take between an established writer and someone expanding their horizons fresh out of college. Alex's blog can be accessed <a href="http://alexjmann.com/">here</a>. He recently did a post on his idea of his ideal bar, which I am going to borrow and put my own spin on it in my next posting. *SPOILER ALERT* It has tons of topless chicks that shoot bourbon out of their nipples.<br /><br />Another friend, Jon, has a sweet gig working for a NYC-area sports station that is similar to Philadelphia's CSN. Although he doesnt care for the Giants (eeek! dont tell his boss!) and roots for the Jets, he has a pretty sweet little Giants blog going on <a href="http://www.giantsfootballblog.com/">here</a>. Now as a Philadelphia guy, I would rather wear hot waffle irons as winter mittens than read about New York sports teams, but I have taken a gander at a few posts and they arent that bad. They are far from awesome (simply because of the subject matter) but they are definitely the opposite of suck. Sadly, I have no plans on borrowing one of his posts to write about, although maybe Ill make a funny MS Paint collage making fun of the Giants.RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-22726781437212083122009-07-08T15:38:00.003-04:002009-07-08T15:51:12.628-04:00Fuck Ethics<div align="left">About 20 minutes ago I was approached by a manager who asked if I had been getting emails from HR about taking online ethics courses. My email has been screwy ever since I took up my new position for some reason, so a lot of the time I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">dont</span> get emails sent directly to me from Deluxe, our parent company. I saw her approaching so I X-ed out of Chrome, which had up Gmail and some other non-work related sites and opened up IE which takes you right to our company home page. I really thought it was about my i<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">nternet</span> usage because sometime I click links that bring my to pages blocked by our filter but it <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">wasnt</span>. She had me log into our page and go to our own personal "HR Online" page where I could view this ethics page. Apparently I missed the July 1st deadline to take the 'Preventing Workplace Harassment' lesson. </div><div align="left"><br /></div><div align="left">Do I really need a lesson telling me not to hit on the women, tell racist jokes, or send death threats via email? Whatever, if I cant whip my dick out at chicks, refer to people as "spear <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">chuckers</span>" or tell that asshole who walks around with enough fucking jangly change in his pockets to fill a piggy bank that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Im</span> going to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">suffocate</span> him to death if he <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">doesnt</span> switch to paper money, then what is the point? Now I need to read a 50 page lesson on this and then take a quiz at the end. I hope its not just multiple choice because I like to write my own answers in. True or false; showing your <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">genitalia</span> makes others <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">uncomfortable</span>. FALSE. It makes girls lady parts turn into a Six Flags <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">waterpark</span> and guys so jealous that they buy lifetime supplies of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Extenze</span>. </div><div align="left"><br /></div><div align="left">I did a Google image search for "sexual harassment" and here are some pictures that caught my eye:<br /></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://roberttorreslawfirm.com/sexual_harassment.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 416px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 526px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://roberttorreslawfirm.com/sexual_harassment.jpg" border="0" /> <p align="center"></a><span style="font-size:85%;">"<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">LOL</span>. FILING IS HILARIOUS AND MY SAUCER OF TEA IS DELICIOUS"</span><br /><br /></p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.mnsu.edu/here4you/harassment/sh_1.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 332px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.mnsu.edu/here4you/harassment/sh_1.jpg" border="0" /> <p align="center"></a><span style="font-size:85%;">This guy is just pulling that old trick where you tap one shoulder when you are really on the other side. You know the one, after she looks the wrong way you pull your dick out and swing it in helicopter motions.<br /></span><br /></p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.sanfranciscoemploymentlawfirm.com/Sexual-Harassment.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 250px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.sanfranciscoemploymentlawfirm.com/Sexual-Harassment.jpg" border="0" /> <p align="center"></a><span style="font-size:85%;">"Your hair smells so good...I...love...your scent...Is that...<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">PANTENE</span> PRO V?!?!??!"<br /></span><br /></p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.extensisgroup.com/news/images/harassment.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 450px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 334px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.extensisgroup.com/news/images/harassment.jpg" border="0" /> <p align="center"></a><span style="font-size:85%;">"Excuse me smiling Asian geisha, you are hindering my ability to scale this shelf of files."</span><br /></p><p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.nbc.com/30_Rock/images/downloads/sexual-harassment-certificate.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 405px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 342px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.nbc.com/30_Rock/images/downloads/sexual-harassment-certificate.jpg" border="0" /></a> </p><p align="center"><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">As a future workplace sexual harasser, this is something that I hope to one day have hanging on my wall next to my diploma and picture I took with the Phillie <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Phanatic</span>.</span></p><p align="left">So <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Im</span> going to take the test on Friday & Ill let you know how I did. If anyone reading has any tips on how to NOT sexually harass those working around me that would be super. </p>RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-83397237645205745242009-06-26T08:22:00.004-04:002009-06-26T08:29:55.831-04:00RIP King of Pop<div align="center"><span style="font-size:180%;">Michael Jackson B. 1959 D. 2009<br /></span><br /></div><p><a href="http://images2.fanpop.com/images/quiz/76164_1224106142635_335_247.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 335px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 247px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://images2.fanpop.com/images/quiz/76164_1224106142635_335_247.jpg" border="0" /></a></p><p>As you all know by now Michael Jackson died yesterday as the result of a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">heart attack</span> at age 50. His is survived by 3 chimps, an elephant, a few giraffes, Tito, and some rhinestone gloves. Ill remember Michael Jackson for a multitude of things. His music was awesome but his personal life was just plain weird. I wonder if his pee-pee is still black? Did it retain its size after Michael went white? So many <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">unanswered</span> questions about this music legend. Sucks for all the people he owed money to though. I wonder if he faked his own death. Conspiracy theories are sure to pop up. If I have time later Ill whip up a quick 5 Awesome Friday, smell ya later (grabs crotch and moonwalks away.)<br /></p><div align="center"></div><div align="center"></div>RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-88602233111240274752009-06-19T11:32:00.004-04:002009-06-19T13:19:37.375-04:005 Awesome FridaySorry for the lack of updates this week, I should have just popped in and wrote for 5 or 10 minutes once or twice for small entries, but I was busy at work and I get the feeling no one really cares about my personal thoughts. That being said, on with the awesomeness:<br /><br />1. <strong>HEY!</strong><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/prgm4eKq6d4&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/prgm4eKq6d4&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />For some reason this video really cracked me up. The randomness combined with the different voices just made me really enjoy it. If you have a few minutes to spare and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">dont</span> feel like thinking, give it a watch. Plus dinosaurs are totally fucking awesome.<br /><br />2. <strong>Snapple Peach <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Mangosteen</span></strong><br /><br /><p><a href="http://ep.yimg.com/ip/I/drsoda_2056_12562046"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 160px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 544px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://ep.yimg.com/ip/I/drsoda_2056_12562046" border="0" /></a><br /><br />This is my favorite Jewish flavor of Snapple. Actually <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple_Mangosteen"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">mangosteen</span></a> is not Jewish, but a very rare fruit from Indonesia. Supposedly it sells for $45+ per pound in New York City because the maturation, shipping and storage of the fruit is very fickle. The wiki page has all sorts of big words and bullshit taxonomy terms, so here is a description I found on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Wegman's</span> website for it:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">"All natural ingredients with vitamins A, C & E. Made from the best stuff on Earth. Naturally flavored peach <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">mangosteen</span> juice drink with other natural flavors. 10% Juice. Rumor has it that Queen Victoria of England offered knighthood to anyone who could bring her a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Mangosteen</span> in edible condition. Easy enough, you say? Malarkey! This fruit soon became known as the queen of fruits. What makes it so precious is that when discovered, it required 5 years to grow in extreme tropical conditions in far-off lands. It's no picnic to harvest, either: The usual method is to climb the tree to avoid letting the fruit hit the ground or be handled roughly. Oh, and did we mention that Snapple Peach <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Mangosteen</span> has immunity building qualities? Enjoy, your majesty."</span> </p><p>The best part was when they said "Malarkey!". If I wrote my own review it would go a little something like this:</p><p><span style="font-size:78%;">"This is one of the most delicious juice drinks I have ever imbibed. This guy who knows tons of stuff about rare fruit told me that Jesus created this fruit as a by product of one of his miracles. He <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">teleported</span> to the tropical forests of Indonesia and planted the leftover seeds, then <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">jizzed</span> all over the ground where he planted them. The end result was the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">devine</span> fruit you are enjoying today. If you are a dude and you are worried that its gay to be drinking it because of how Jesus fertilized it, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">dont</span> worry, its totally not gay. Even if it was, the ends justify the means. Fag."</span><br /><br />To buy 12 of these for $19.95 (+ s/h), <a href="http://www.drsoda.com/snpema1.html">click here</a>. You could probably just go to any local store and buy 12 @ $1.79 each and pay $22.77 total, but ordering things through the mail is much more fun. Especially when you pay shipping costs for a 20 lb. box of liquid and glass! UPS will have a field day with that, so buy the insurance!</p><br /><br />3. <strong><a href="http://www.huliq.com/0/82413/international-sushi-day-rollin-it">International Sushi Day</a></strong> was yesterday and I celebrated by getting a few rolls for lunch. 4 Pieces each of salmon roll, tuna roll, and spicy tuna roll (with these crunchy flakes of god knows what on top) and a salad (with the awesome ginger dressing) for $8.99. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Thats</span> a pretty good deal but I still <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">dont</span> understand why sushi is so expensive. Its rice, seaweed, vegetables, and a small portion of fish. It is sort of labor intensive, but still, it should be cheaper. Let me break down some of the sushi rolls I am familiar with:<br /><br />California rolls are good for beginners and also because you basically cant fuck it up, I used to love these but I have opened my horizons. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Dont</span> get me wrong, I still will eat them no questions asked, and sometimes when you go to a Chinese buffet, they will have this as an option. I like to call this "sushi with training wheels".<br /><br /><a href="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/184/469199644_8f5c3d3107_o.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 365px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 412px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/184/469199644_8f5c3d3107_o.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Philadelphia rolls are one of my all-time favorites. A lot of people <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">dont</span> really like the idea of combining cream cheese and raw salmon, but its really really good. The soft, creaminess of the cheese is a good contrast with the other ingredients. If you were an assassin and used this dish to get the job done on your mark, I bet it would be called a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Killadelphia</span> roll. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">LOLZZZZZZZZZZZ</span>.<br /><br /><a href="http://sushisama.com/images/Rolls/PhiladelphiaRoll.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 383px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 405px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://sushisama.com/images/Rolls/PhiladelphiaRoll.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />My new favorite rolls are spicy tuna rolls. They must take the tuna and finely dice it and then mix it in a spicy paste, because the filling is very different from regular tuna. Its not overly spicy, but it has a good heat to it and is even better if you get crunchy spicy tuna. If a Viking had to pick a choice of sushi, this might not be it, but he certainly <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">wouldnt</span> complain.<br /><br /><a href="http://sushiclub.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/spicy_tuna_roll.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 389px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 386px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://sushiclub.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/spicy_tuna_roll.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />One of the more extravagant rolls I have had so far is called a spider roll. Its <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">softshell</span> crab rolled with rice and fish roe and its delicious to the power of mouthwatering. It comes with this special sauce that they drizzle over it. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Im</span> not sure whats in it (probably gross fish parts) but its like a thin <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">chipolte</span> mayo with an Asian twist. Two of the pieces come with a HUGE piece of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">softshell</span> crab (pictured) which is also great. Its hard to fit it all in your mouth, but your mom gave me some tips on how to do it because shes good at stuff like that.<br /><br /><a href="http://thebestthingiatetoday.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/s3yu35u.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 355px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 313px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://thebestthingiatetoday.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/s3yu35u.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />4. <strong>Atlantic City</strong> is a great place if you like gambling, drinking, or hookers. My uh, friend, um, told me that you go to Lexington Avenue if you are in the market for some pay by the hour love. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">Im</span> going to Atlantic City tonight and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">Im</span> really pumped. I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">havent</span> been there yet this spring/summer so it will be good to see a lot of people I went to college with. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">Im</span> staying at the <a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.trumpmarina.com">Trump Marina</a> with some friends, so not only will the room be fairy inexpensive, I also wont have to sleep in a ditch like usual. Ha just kidding, I sleep in the backseat of my car. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">Ok</span> kidding again, but I did actually do that once...and I used my graduation gown as a blanket/cover. The Marina looks pretty <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">baller</span>:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.destination360.com/north-america/us/new-jersey/atlantic-city/images/s/wave-trump-marina.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 323px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 329px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.destination360.com/north-america/us/new-jersey/atlantic-city/images/s/wave-trump-marina.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />On the other side there is the Marina part...which means boats, docks, and water. I hope I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">dont</span> get too intoxicated and try to steal a boat. On the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">otherhand</span> I hope I do and it becomes a high speed chase up and down the Jersey Coast. High speed chases are always 10x better if there is an ongoing shoot-out, so maybe Ill pawn some stuff in the seedy part of AC and get a burner.<br /><br />During the night, I think we are going this place <a href="http://www.blogger.com/thechelsea-ac.com/">The Chelsea</a>, which is a new Hotel/Lounge/Goofy neon eyesore. A friend who is a promoter is getting us <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">guest listed</span>, so I can save money on the overpriced cover to put it towards overpriced drinks. You win some you lose some. Still should be awesome. Not sure if <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">Im</span> going to gamble (because alcohol + gambling = bad decisions) but who knows, unpredictable is my confirmation name. I bet these lights attract a lot of moths:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.hotelchatter.com/files/8580/The_Chelsea___Exterior_v2.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 313px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 405px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.hotelchatter.com/files/8580/The_Chelsea___Exterior_v2.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />5. <strong>Father's Day <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">Phillies</span> game</strong>. I think this is the sixth or seventh straight and probably 10+ overall Father's Day <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_33">Phillies</span> game I have been to. The hats are usually pretty interesting and I think this is the third bucket hat I will be getting from the promo giveaway. I cant find a picture online, so I had to take a screenshot of it:<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcg2DT3KDn-GKrxWIyQdDOtRbwGvMAUiTxAhWPziM-thKDKLSOak74I6qxdgr6aCnMxyIUyrQKmlMpUBQfMNWE5jSfhvKVDjntgWhAmFr8vqvh_xXT-y1D9LmA1GUhYuQT3W57XG5VpwA/s1600-h/philsbucket.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349087440666746466" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 335px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 366px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcg2DT3KDn-GKrxWIyQdDOtRbwGvMAUiTxAhWPziM-thKDKLSOak74I6qxdgr6aCnMxyIUyrQKmlMpUBQfMNWE5jSfhvKVDjntgWhAmFr8vqvh_xXT-y1D9LmA1GUhYuQT3W57XG5VpwA/s400/philsbucket.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Now I already have a khaki <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_34">Phillies</span> bucket hat...but this one is better because of the American flag style 'P'. Patriotism rules! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! They are playing the Baltimore Orioles and everyone knows they are the most communist team in the AL. Fuck you Baltimore.<br /><br />On a more serious note, I really enjoy Father's Day. I really look up to and admire my dad but he is really hard to buy presents for. If he sees something he wants he usually just buys it on the spot, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_35">thats</span> just the way he is. I remember being 13 or 14 and I told him how hard it is and he told me simply getting to hang out just me and him was the best present I could get him. I still like buying him a gift, but I always make myself available for Father's Day no matter what and love getting to hang out just the two of us. So for all 6 of you readers out there, spend some time with your dad and enjoy it, because no matter how your relationship is, deep down he loves you more than anything and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_36">couldnt</span> be prouder of you. Play ball!RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-35580418619979249482009-06-12T14:19:00.007-04:002009-06-12T15:04:17.518-04:005 Awesome Friday1. <strong>Ten High.</strong> Best bang for your buck bourbon boys buy. Semi-aliterative sentences are awesome too. Im going to baptize my children in this.<br /><br /><p><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 282px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 481px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://chenzhen.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/ten-high.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br />2. <strong>Jay-Z "Death of Autotune (DOA)".</strong> Another single from Blueprint:3. Personally, I have been saying this for a few months now and know a lot of other people felt the same way. Autotune can sound cool if its done right with a good beat, but it has <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jumping_the_shark">jumped the shark</a><br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/BhludN8yU0s&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><br /><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/BhludN8yU0s&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />3. <strong>Spicy Mustard.</strong> Today my manager bought us all soft pretzels to enjoy while we had our quarterly meeting. The only problem was that the only mustard provided was generic yellow French's mustard. Not only does the manufacturer share a name with one of the suckiest countries that ever did suck, the mustard itself is terrible. I would rather put a mixture of hobo sweat and jellified swine flu on my food than use this stuff. My mainstay is Gulden's Spicy Mustard, but recently I found this awesome horseradish infused mustard:<br /><br /><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://dyn-images.hsni.com/is/image/HomeShoppingNetwork/301740?$pd300$" border="0" /><br /><br />The actual jar I have has a sick racing stripe and doubles as a blunt object good for bludgeoning someone to death. Especially those someones who bring terrible regular mustard.<br /><br />4. <strong>Funny spam email subject lines.</strong> Today I clicked on my spam folder for the first time in I dont know how long (1589 unread spam emails) and saw some funny ones. I took a screensnap for you. Obviously they were all viruses and penis pill offers so I only opened the best one, but you get the picture. This is from the first 3 pages (75 total spam emails):<br /><br /></p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM0v7rwuidfW3tura3zuWX2Kf7-aj2ZN0jLqpJZ3YGzicmXkvxsXrwm5huKPzSOhisrdJ_VPnQcduiKmo2T6ktvpFCl5LA6CNfhCLELWbfHsOFCp_7pSk-iIrEjXHlHRch5p9jafKJ1ag/s1600-h/spam1.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346517489649563378" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 161px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM0v7rwuidfW3tura3zuWX2Kf7-aj2ZN0jLqpJZ3YGzicmXkvxsXrwm5huKPzSOhisrdJ_VPnQcduiKmo2T6ktvpFCl5LA6CNfhCLELWbfHsOFCp_7pSk-iIrEjXHlHRch5p9jafKJ1ag/s400/spam1.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br />1. Says "Give squish mittens DUE attention"<br /><br />2. Says "Click or cats gonna die"<br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqQa-lF9opCck0JWO6BomxnNwTW94sjXbXUifTZeVlrRi5uIHG72M1MpB-CF6k6wbyXi_ug3ayXDNGBrWx5MrSKvQDRMuxHKQA1dgBmKbyvmxvcVjpVV429UBeiX1GMHd8bBfwQCqA9xQ/s1600-h/spam2.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346517492991489810" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 160px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqQa-lF9opCck0JWO6BomxnNwTW94sjXbXUifTZeVlrRi5uIHG72M1MpB-CF6k6wbyXi_ug3ayXDNGBrWx5MrSKvQDRMuxHKQA1dgBmKbyvmxvcVjpVV429UBeiX1GMHd8bBfwQCqA9xQ/s400/spam2.JPG" border="0" /></a><br />1. Says "Need hard instrument, man?"<br /><br />2. Says "find how to drill her better"<br /><br />3. Says "For non-muslim users only"<br /><br />4. Says "Baroness always whizgiggled at me"<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJIz1_RNIpPEqZsgz6eB8EBxOm-P_781iWRUqR5kBPsBkIFmTKg7IDpdhRXmOAg6Ok_L_02Rh3OC2mCODpzdjaWJdNHUx2Lj3OYbNm_CrwokPL1hUaaaKUX8mYX6dufDNRDZmi4u1Kuxs/s1600-h/spam3.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346517493197261266" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 175px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJIz1_RNIpPEqZsgz6eB8EBxOm-P_781iWRUqR5kBPsBkIFmTKg7IDpdhRXmOAg6Ok_L_02Rh3OC2mCODpzdjaWJdNHUx2Lj3OYbNm_CrwokPL1hUaaaKUX8mYX6dufDNRDZmi4u1Kuxs/s400/spam3.JPG" border="0" /></a><br />1. Says "Look at this glorious shit"<br /><br />2. Says "Greetings, are you online"<br /><br />3. Says "Incredible Hulk's choice is the new Incredible Cialis"<br /><br />5. <strong>Buttburger.</strong> No words can describe this awesomeness.<br /><br /><p></p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346514381107258418" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 302px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuh8-WWbrm-cPeDAJ-5KviDl2QqgTRgvVFjqNNZR-6Krl5RgX-JlWkCb9rHlbc69n25f6YtgryN0d9c2wwsw00CbzJQ7hYyfJYNM4XJZWWIfDB2Tb6moYELa3gDTocaf7_jCRk3Ish_Hc/s400/burger.jpg" border="0" /></div><br /><br />Mmmmmm buttburger...RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-38213684152115934092009-06-11T08:40:00.003-04:002009-06-11T08:52:36.659-04:00So what Dojo are you from?<object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4n_9Nd9bhco&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4n_9Nd9bhco&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />I saw this <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">youtube</span> video on another blog and it instantly made my morning 100x better. Do you remember the first bonus stage in Street Fighter II where you had to destroy the car? Well this is some sort of mongoloid <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Ryu</span> doing a real life reenactment. It starts off pretty slow and unfunny while he is ripping head lights out, but it immediately zooms off into <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">hilariousity</span> when he starts dropping flying elbows on the hood. *SPOILER ALERT* he lights the car on fire in the end but its not that cool and there <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">wasnt</span> any explosions. I was expecting at least one <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">HADUKEN</span>!! but I was sorely disappointed. Here is a screen cap I took of my favorite part. He borrows a move from Mario 64 and does a jumping butt-crush on the top of the car:<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrxegXI-y8-YpVuqUWdH2V8EOxv3UCX61gyXjBTYx_4kik9H8KrugaYdb3Z5KLs5uMSXO4DndlafU2ZPpTNsz0Ql-WskIopakFjdAsdyZ4Rr7x5Yj0bRlomtk04bmBwe9g1OC1Wdn5dFU/s1600-h/streetfighter.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346051182128021122" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 279px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrxegXI-y8-YpVuqUWdH2V8EOxv3UCX61gyXjBTYx_4kik9H8KrugaYdb3Z5KLs5uMSXO4DndlafU2ZPpTNsz0Ql-WskIopakFjdAsdyZ4Rr7x5Yj0bRlomtk04bmBwe9g1OC1Wdn5dFU/s400/streetfighter.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Everyone knows that E. Honda was the best for this bonus stage cause you could just keep doing that one move where he karate chops real quick over and over. I guess Blanca was also good if you used the electric shock move over and over, but that dude was green and not entirely human, and I only fuck with normal ninjas. PS <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Dhalsim</span> was a pussy.<br /><br />In other ninja news, this is a pretty old video, but I felt like putting it up anyway. You may recognize Afro Ninja somewhere in there. The other dudes are prime examples of <a href="http://www.realtultimatepower.net/">Real Ultimate Power</a>:<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/DEFNoT17DME&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/DEFNoT17DME&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-83526291213785713752009-06-10T11:09:00.007-04:002009-06-10T12:45:08.482-04:00Basketball JonesAs it stands right now, I currently am in only one basketball league...which sucks. My handsome squad lost last night in the semi-finals of our 4-on-4 indoor league by 10. We didnt play our best game, so it was sort of frustrating to go out like that. Im going to try to get into the summer version of the same league, so hopefully I can make up for it. I havent had any good ideas for blogs lately, so I figured I would do a smorgasbord of basketball stuff. Like this:<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/VLaDJTya0YI&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/VLaDJTya0YI&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />KA-POW! Take that you little running asshole.<br /><br />If that didnt get your heart racing and your pants tenting, here is a clip of when AI crossed up Jordan:<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/YEmS8ZQIhTA&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/YEmS8ZQIhTA&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />He should send me royalty checks for teaching him those moves back when we were on the grind in "Da Bad News", Newport News, VA.<br /><br />I love wearing basketball jerseys on and off the court, but preferably off the court...while at outdoor grilling/drinking festivities. This is my go to jersey to wear in such a situation:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.hoopsvibe.com/IMG/julius_erving_jersey-arton29550-240x240.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.hoopsvibe.com/IMG/julius_erving_jersey-arton29550-240x240.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />My main man Dr. J works the ladies into a frenzy. It also helps you eat beer cans. Picture proof:<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ2VecjafXaYCXgsCgWyTOyHNqQLAa2FRB7Olpzwca3Or7BpFwZZ1B2j_C3yKxDmDFV0VzBW4nO0d4DZRVfU3HsodHZ0dH8ZCSgiCeU_0N8Y1DJ0hX1vuPErGQveoUXWOIKyNZEZd6SpM/s1600-h/n10501209_33783293_3462.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5345729981129741362" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ2VecjafXaYCXgsCgWyTOyHNqQLAa2FRB7Olpzwca3Or7BpFwZZ1B2j_C3yKxDmDFV0VzBW4nO0d4DZRVfU3HsodHZ0dH8ZCSgiCeU_0N8Y1DJ0hX1vuPErGQveoUXWOIKyNZEZd6SpM/s400/n10501209_33783293_3462.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Nice.<br /><br />Another jersey I like to wear is this Melo jersey from when he was a young buck at Syracuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41TECttHh1L._AA280_.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 280px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 280px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41TECttHh1L._AA280_.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />The only reason Im mentioning this one is because I got it for $15 at the Nittany Mall. Talk about savings!!<br /><br />Here is my favorite jersey...that I cant find a good picture of. Its a LeBron Nike 2007 FIBA jersey. This one is so crispy that I only wear it to weddings and when the pope visits. I hope to one day be wearing this when I concieve my first child. Here is a stupid partial view of it:<br /><br /><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/kaczalas/RoNintX4zqI/AAAAAAAAS_M/SsUfG_czRSE/s288/news_jersey_usa_2007-4.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 288px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 216px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/kaczalas/RoNintX4zqI/AAAAAAAAS_M/SsUfG_czRSE/s288/news_jersey_usa_2007-4.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Nike has made a lot of sweet basketball commercials, but this one that came out a few years ago is pretty bad ass. One time after watching it, I was so pumped up that I dunked a basketball with my nutsack.<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/2KLc9NeHq6o&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/2KLc9NeHq6o&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />This is a still frame of Kobe getting socked in the neck by Chris Childs for no reason whatsoever:<br /><br /><a href="http://jackascii.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/np.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 347px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 283px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://jackascii.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/np.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />One time during my senior year of basketball these paparazi were trying to get an up-short shot of my nuts (they heard about the dunk incident mentioned earlier) and snapped this picture. It ended up on the front page of the newspaper. The heading reads "Knights not afraid of Ghosts". You probably wont understand that unless you are from the Philadelphia area and know about Abington.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGrKIXvOcJ1hTK6wJ4Uig_-EdDDnphwH2ELmnB_s0H8JeRL4BvysJ_omXDGdDHrOmS51JxSoQYvz-M-QrRF0M6ArbgSO9bUiP6RvUiYxZR0ihyKgXhK1IhZh7lnBuSWH8VHC-066hxW_w/s1600-h/n9306625_51101857_5176.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5345729977622032930" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 268px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGrKIXvOcJ1hTK6wJ4Uig_-EdDDnphwH2ELmnB_s0H8JeRL4BvysJ_omXDGdDHrOmS51JxSoQYvz-M-QrRF0M6ArbgSO9bUiP6RvUiYxZR0ihyKgXhK1IhZh7lnBuSWH8VHC-066hxW_w/s400/n9306625_51101857_5176.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />If you remember the first season of Flavor of Love or I Love Money, you will remember Nicole Alexander, aka "Hoopz". This is Nicole doing what she loves:<br /><br /><a href="http://i2.tinypic.com/ra6n2c.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 256px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 447px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://i2.tinypic.com/ra6n2c.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Yep, she loves being scantily clad and giving me the "lets bang" eyes. I think its real gross that she hooked up with Flav but I would still play some "one on one" with her if you catch my drift heh heh heh. Or I would totally "take it to the hole" on her heh heh heh. And I would "double dribble" her boobs heh heh heh. Plus I would need more than "3 seconds" in her lane heh heh heh. Then I would ejaculate on her face. Heh heh heh.<br /><br />Depending on how "with it" you are when it comes to internet viral videos, here is one of a few that are circulating around with Charlie Murphy as some basketball guru. The best part is when there are explosions.<br /><br /><object height="340" width="560"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/koGD6XnAsNs&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/koGD6XnAsNs&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br /><br />I cant find a video for this, but if anyone had the Space Jam soundtrack, there was an awesome song with Chris Rock and Barry White called "Basketball Jones". Such an odd colaboration produced a very very funny song. Since I cant find a video, here is a <a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.imeem.com/mrswagger/music/5j8TssKL/barry-white-chris-rock-basketball-jones/">link that you can click</a>. Prepare to have your eardrums POSTERIZED.<br /><br />Speaking of Space Jam, the shoes pictured next are my favorite pair of Jordans ever. I actually even own a pair. I think they are fake thought because I bought them two years ago and they were only $75. They still look real...but dont really feel real since the sole inserts tore out after 2 weeks of playing in them.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.hijordan.com/images/jordans-11/air-jordan-11-retro-1.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 371px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 351px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.hijordan.com/images/jordans-11/air-jordan-11-retro-1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Lastly, I want to share with you a youtube video I have shared with many people many times, so consider yourselves ordinary. This is a video I made with a friend that showcases our white boy verticals and even some sweet crip walking in the middle of the video. Let the soothing sounds of Method Man and Redman's DA ROCKWILDER carry you away into Dunktopia.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/saIWtY2qBGw&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/saIWtY2qBGw&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />The comment section is funny. Some dude calls us "fat dick hoes". <br /><br />In other basketball related news, I have a game tonight, 7pm, at the Oreland courts. Come out and support myself and my teammates as we try to bounce back from a loss on Monday. Ladies, please keep your tops on until after the game, because it is very distracting and arousing.RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-86553956032168695382009-06-05T09:20:00.006-04:002009-06-05T11:55:58.899-04:005 Awesome FridayI figured I would start something new here where every Friday I will post 5 cool things that will totally blow your mind and/or melt your face off. If you <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">dont</span> think these things are awesome then go fly a kite with your debate team.<br /><br />1. Lil Wayne just came out with a song about Kobe. I heard this on Power99 last night and was <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">bumpin</span>' it as I sped down 76...in the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">youtube</span> version <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Weezy</span> comes in around the :50 second mark. I suggest you listen to this while drinking a 40 at an <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">inner city</span> basketball court. Make friends with the locals by bringing extra & also possibly a marijuana cigar.<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/f1dJZ0ROfBs&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/f1dJZ0ROfBs&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />2. Today is National Donut Day. I used to love them as a kid but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">dont</span> really eat that many anymore. If you want some history about this magical day, <a href="http://www.lamars.com/donutday/index.html">check this site out</a>. Its still pretty early in the morning, but Ive already learned my one new thing for the day. Do you know why donuts have holes in the middle of them? Its because it allows them to cook more evenly. All these years Ive just assumed that the bakers were perverts and handled the food in unsanitary manners...if you catch my drift. My favorite donut is pictured below. If you <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">dont</span> know that it is a Boston creme then you either are retarded or like jelly donuts. Not the food. The one wear you blow a dude and then he rocks you in the jaw. Suck on that.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3064/2754507165_6d6065f915.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 346px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 333px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3064/2754507165_6d6065f915.jpg" border="0" /></a> The Boston creme donut is the state donut of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Massachusetts</span>, something I also <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">didnt</span> know. What is the state donut of Pennsylvania? Not sure, but if they name it after the state's best city, Philadelphia, it will most likely contain cheese <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">wiz</span> or empty bullet casings. Possibly even served with a side of murder sauce. <p></p><p>3. D-Day. On June 6<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">th</span>, 1944, the largest amphibious invasion force EVER was launched against the heavily fortified northern coast of France. By the end of the day American, Canadian, and British forces held a foothold in Axis territory and thus marked a turning point in World War II. 195,000 men in 5,000 would leave English harbors that day, with 160,000 of those men making beach landings. Ive read many books about WWII and D-Day in particular and the size and scope of this operation and the planning/training that went into it is <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">mind boggling</span>. Tomorrow is the 65<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">th</span> anniversary of the landings and I for one hold great esteem for the day. Many of our relatives had a part in the war effort and I applaud all Allied <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">soldiers</span> who sacrificed themselves for freedom. Learn more <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D-Day">here</a> and also watch the opening beach scene from Saving Private Ryan:<br /></p><p><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/mFQIuF590B4&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/mFQIuF590B4&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />4. Time Machines are totally kick-ass. If I had a time machine the first thing I would do is go back in time and make a ton of sports bets and stock moves. Then I would come back to present day and roll around in my huge Scrooge <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Mcduck</span> style vault on top of all my riches. After I had the present day riches secured, I would start having some fun with it. I would like to go back in time and punch Hitler right in the face. I would go back and rail Cleopatra. I would go back and play practical jokes on cavemen. The possibilities are endless. To be honest I would mostly use it to go back and bang hot historical chicks. And not even use a condom! Here is what H.G. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Wells'</span> wanted his time machine to look like:<br /><a href="http://gpz500.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/time-machine4web.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 385px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 531px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://gpz500.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/time-machine4web.jpg" border="0" /></a> Mine would be at least 100x sweeter than this. First off, I would throw some spinners on it even though it <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">doesnt</span> have wheels, but spinners are key when it comes to time travel. Next, I would install a mini-fridge stocked with peach <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">snapple</span> and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">premade</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Italian</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">hoagies</span>, because everyone knows they <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">dont</span> have that shit in the past. Plus time travel makes you hungry. Lastly, I would install some sort of machine gun on top, just in case people from the past try to kill me. I know I just said lastly, but I would also stock the cargo area with extra machine gun ammunition and probably a couple of grenades. </p><p>This is sort of related, but I was just thinking what if you had to go to the bathroom while you were traveling through time? If you just took a dump off the side while in transit, would your dump randomly appear at some point in history? Like some serf in 1300s France gets hit in the head with a big brown log from my lower intestine. What about if I peed off the side? Would my pee just appear over the course of hundreds of years as <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">Im</span> traveling? If anyone reading is an expert on Quantum Physics and the effects of defecating off the side of a time machine, please comment. </p><p>5. <a href="http://www.tokyoflash.com/en/watches/1/">Tokyo Flash watches</a>. This company makes all these futuristic watches that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">dont</span> use normal analog or digital ways to portray the time. Example:<br /></p><a href="http://www.theodoresworld.net/pics/Dday/D_DayImage1.jpg"></a><p><br /></p><a href="http://www.geekologie.com/2009/02/03/tokyoflash-1.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 306px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 279px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.geekologie.com/2009/02/03/tokyoflash-1.jpg" border="0" /></a> See I think these look cool as fuck. I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">wouldnt</span> really care if I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">couldnt</span> tell the time since I always have my cell phone on me. These watches are conversation starters. If I ever buy a Tokyo Flash watch, I imagine the following happening:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(loud music is playing at a bar while our hero sips a bourbon & cola)</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Hot ass chick who looks like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">Mila</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">Kunis</span>: Hey <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">thats</span> an interesting watch</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Me: Yeah it is. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Her: How do you tell what time it is?</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Me: Super brain power and an assortment of algorithms.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Her: So what time is it right now?</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Me: Time for us to bone...right here...right now.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Her: That sounds like the best idea I have ever heard. But only because you have such an interesting watch. I also like your cologne, Is that what pure awesomeness smells like?</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Me: Stop talking so much bitch.</span><br /><br />So as you can see, there are really no downsides of owning a watch like this. Except its like $150. One day, I will have this watch though. All the loose change I save everyday is going to be purely for this. On top of that, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">Im</span> going to try to put aside $5 per week so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">Im</span> thinking by mid-Fall Ill have this watch. Ill even post pictures of it on my sexy wrist to prove it.<br /><br />Next Friday Ill post about five more awesome things. If you have any suggestions, email me or leave them in the comments. Also, I am unsure about what I should have for lunch. You can also leave a suggestion about that. But do it soon, its almost lunchtime.RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-42523769673305372292009-06-03T16:05:00.005-04:002009-06-03T16:55:13.656-04:00Longtime no blogWhats up, first and foremost let me apologize for lack of updates. I have been really busy at work and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">didnt</span> want to put up some <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">subpar</span> material. This is a very sincere apology (wanking motion). This blog is probably less than a month old, and already I want to switch some stuff up. Ive decided that I will still do entries like the ones before, with the lists and pictures and specific themes, but not as frequently as before. I want to be able to just pop in when I have ten minutes of free time and bang out a post of what Ive been pondering lately. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Dont</span> get me wrong, I enjoy making big posts with pictures and stuff, but with work being as hectic as it is and the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">internet</span> not set up at home yet, it just <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">isnt</span> feasible. That being said, this is whats been up with me lately...<br /><br /><div>Work. Basketball. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Manayunk</span>.</div><div><br /><br /></div><div>Ive been working 45-50 hours a week, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Im</span> currently in two basketball leagues, and Ive been <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">having</span> a blast with the warmer weather in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Manayunk</span>. Work is work, so Ill spare you that explanation. For basketball, my awesome/handsome team won on Monday night in the quarterfinals meaning we play for a spot in the championship next Monday. Ive played in the Total Body League twice before and have come away with the 'chip twice, so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Im</span> not trying to break the streak. Tonight, an outdoor league, in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Oreland</span>, I am playing in kicks off at 7. Its calling for rain but I said fuck that noise and did an anti-rain dance in the parking lot. This one woman thought I was playing "air <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">hackeysack</span>". <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Ok</span> neither of those events happened, but its funny to pretend it did. Lastly, living in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Manayunk</span> is awesome. Everything is within walking distance, there are lots of bars/restaurants, and tons of cute girls. Maybe Ill talk to a few of them sometime.</div><div><br /><br /></div><div>I cant really think of anything else to write about now, so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Im</span> going to show you two things that I bought today from <a href="http://www.finishline.com/"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Finishline</span>.com </a>since they were having a big sale:</div><div><br /><br /></div><div></div><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 396px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 441px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.finishline.com/store/images/products/xl318488012.jpg" border="0" />They are only $50 bucks and are pretty different from any shoe that Ive had before. I like the look of the patent leather and overall color scheme, so hopefully cute girls will like them too. Maybe they will like them so much that they will correlate the size of the shoes on my feet to the size of other parts of my body. Psst...I mean...my...DICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><p><br /></p><p><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 369px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 421px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.finishline.com/store/images/products/xlba2247040.jpg" border="0" /></p><p>I also bought this duffel bag. Its a big one and it was only $20 so I figured why not. Plus I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">dont</span> currently own such a bag, nor have I for the last 3-4 years. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Im</span> not even lying. I used to go on canning trips or weekend jaunts using either a milk crate or a brown paper grocery bag. Sometimes I would class it up and put my belongings in a school bag. Now its straight high class with this baby. </p><p><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Im</span> sure most people have read the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Three-T-Shirt-Available-Various-Sizes/product-reviews/B000NZW3IY">customer reviews for the three wolf t-shirt</a> but if you <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">havent</span>, check the link out. Its amazon.com so its <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">SFW</span>. I had thought about leaving a comment about the duffel bag because its such a random object and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">doesnt</span> really need a review. You could be like "I put all my stuff in it then zipped it up. I also used the straps to carry it wherever I was going. A+++++", ya know? Its a duffel bag, you shove your shit into it then proceed to take things out when needed. Here are some reviews I was thinking about leaving:</p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><em>"Can fit a whole dead hooker inside"</em></span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><em>"I was able to fit $87,000 in one-dollar bills in this thing! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">Pac</span>-Man <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">aint</span> got shit on me with his hefty bag!"</em></span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><em>"Feeds family of 5 for a week. Straps are a little dry. Drink a white wine with this product"</em></span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><em>"I used this to smuggle drugs through air security. Contents <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">visible</span> through x-ray scan. Do not buy."</em></span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><em>"Ive been homeless for a year and this is the only bag I would endorse."</em></span></p><p></p><p>Also, in addition to winning the basketball game on <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">Monday</span>, I also won two other things. I won a $25 gift certificate in the monthly drawing to the pizza place, <a href="http://www.santuccibrotherssquarepizza.com/"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">Santucci</span> Brothers</a> and also a free OPEN BAR (my two favorite words) at Mad River, from 8-10 on Friday. So if anyone wants to eat some pizza with me or poison their livers hit me up. Lastly, this weekend is the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">Manayunk</span> Bike Race. Should be a weekend-long party so drop a line if you will be in the area. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">Im</span> having a party at my house Sunday, so bring your drinking pants.<br /></p>RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-64062247633649711952009-05-19T18:33:00.005-04:002009-05-20T13:57:00.010-04:00A -------> BTo touch on an earlier subject, I just wanted to let all 13 of my readers know that my weekend was great. Kevy G was in full effect and there was tons of fun had. A ridiculous moment that stands out is throwing birthday cake and citronella candles off the deck @ Mad River in Manayunk. Well, um, I mean, uh, that I saw some handsome ruffians doing it but I was helpless to stop them.<br /><br />Chicks get wet when they see people showing no regard for other peoples property (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmuFlaFYdgE">OPP!</a>). On Sunday I had to drive my friend back to 30th street station and it took me on a brain tangent about driving. Also, unrelated, but the last song played, either on 98.9 or 100.3, was <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYdo3UGBaQk">Drake - Best I Ever Had</a> which is a sick song thats been played for the last few weeks, but not enough in my opinion. Check out the rest of his mixtape at Sam Goody or the Wall or some shit, you know, where ever sick mixtapes are pushed.<br /><br />Back on the driving tip though. Ive been a registered driver for about 6 years now. Crazy isnt it? I remember everything leading up to my license, from acing the permit test (15/15) and then failing my first drivers test because I figured I could just do it (5 moves total, 2 too many). Once I got the whip though, it was game over...as long as the game didnt go longer than 11pm. There was a curfew if your parents hadnt heard and were actually cool. Anyway, the first car I could call my own, or call "the car I drove that was under my Dad's name" was a 2000 Taurus SE, flavored in Navy. Take a look at this beauty:<br /><br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://l.images.easyautosales.com/2000-Ford-Taurus-3031623-781.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 370px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 277px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://l.images.easyautosales.com/2000-Ford-Taurus-3031623-781.jpg" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:78%;">This is sort of like my car but with less scrapes on the back passenger door and less underpants around my rearview.</span><br /><br /><br /></div>I used to have the game on SMASH with that car...multiple shore trips, late night sneak outs, solo frosty-eatings, you name it, and I did it in that Taurus. Plus a couple of girls let me touch their goodies in there too, so I got that going for me. When I got the car in the Spring of 2002, it had around 55,000 miles on it. When I finally gave it up in the Winter of 2007, it was pushing 110,000. My Dad randomly called me during finals week at that time and told me to have the car cleaned and vacuumed. I thought he was just being a dick and busting my balls since my car probably contained every fast food promotion wrapper since 2005, but I did his bidding anyway. The good news out of that was that he was prepared to buy me a new car since I was approaching graduation. The prize? A 2000 Taurus...but this one was silver, had leather, and came with some sick speakers. Peep it:<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://virginiausedcardealers.com/hockaday/11386A.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 389px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 291px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://virginiausedcardealers.com/hockaday/11386A.jpg" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:78%;">Im pretty sure the car probably cost 5995 but they didnt know about the 6-disc in the trunk. I took two technology steps backwards switching to CDs but took two MACK step forwards in my conversations with 'cougars'. </span><br /></div><br />So Ive been going about my daily life now in this new Taurus, but Im not going to lie (and even if I was going to lie, I wouldnt tell you) that I didnt like it as much as my old Taurus. Thats not really the point of this long-winded opener, but I just wanted to throw it out there. I got to thinking as I was driving down 76 from 30th street, that I spend a good amount of time in my car. On top of my 20 mile, 40 minute commute to and from work, I utilize my wheels more than most since I consider myself a very independent person who likes to keep his options open. I also prefer driving to being driven, since, dont take offense, I would rather myself be behind the wheel in a bad situation than being defenseless in the passenger seat.<br /><br />I do a lot of things while I drive. I listen to music, talk/text on the phone, eat & drive with my knees, you know, I run the whole gamut when it comes to multi-tasking behind the wheel. Sometimes I feel like I do even more than most regular people though, so I figured I would drop some knowledge about how I get down when pushing the whip.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-size:180%;">Things I Like to do Whilst Driving</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://eurokdj.free.fr/trombino/scatman.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 203px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 230px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://eurokdj.free.fr/trombino/scatman.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left">1. <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Rap/Sing/Scatman to myself</span> - This one is pretty self-explanatory. I have a pretty good memory so I can memorize lyrics pretty easily. This is probably annoying to other people in the car who have gone full-retard. It comes in handy when you are on the dance floor and dancing with a non-white girl though.<br /><br />2. <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Use My Turn Signal</span> - This is just polite protocol. If you take pride in not signaling then fuck you.<br /><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/vehicle-pictures/2008/ford/taurus/4418-057-radio-unit-closeup-480.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 252px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 189px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/vehicle-pictures/2008/ford/taurus/4418-057-radio-unit-closeup-480.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />3. <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Adjust My Radio Tuner</span> - Are you as sick as I am of hearing "Single Ladies" by Beyonce or "Blame it on the Alcohol" by Jamie Foxx? You can usually find my right hand on the presets flipping through 96.5, 98.9, 100.3 and 102.1. You can find my left hand on the steering wheel because I am ambidextrous. Ladies call me! PEW PEW PEW<br /><br />4. <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Use Sign Language</span> - You never know when you will need to utilize this skill, so I try to have conversations with myself while driving. One time though, these gentlemen in West Philadelphia took umbrage to my signing and I had to beat a hasty retreat. The Taurus is bullet proof so its still fly, dont worry.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://pinchmysalt.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/squeezing-juice-for-web.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 327px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 218px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://pinchmysalt.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/squeezing-juice-for-web.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />5. <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Make Lemonade</span> - You know how they say "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade?". Well I fully subscribe to that idea but I add "in your car" after the word 'make' and I have a personal addendum of "after robbing neighborhood stands". Its simple; knock off some idiot kids pushing weak refreshments, 'reorganize' their stand (to your own pocket), then drive around squeezing your own juice for distribution. What else could be easier? </div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.backtobasicstoys.com/images/7330.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 372px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 372px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.backtobasicstoys.com/images/7330.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />6. <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Play That Vibration Football-Type Ga</span><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">me Thing Stuff</span> - Im not really sure what team Im playing with or how you even do anything with this game, but this is the ultimate time-waster. I can be doing 70 on 309 South going home and be DEADLOCKED with the other team at a 0-0 tie. Its almost like soccer but with more scoring and less diving. At least in this game they have a reason to fall over. Its called gravity bitches.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.peopleandplaces.us/eh62/bottle08.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 334px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 353px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.peopleandplaces.us/eh62/bottle08.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />7. <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Make Replica Ships in a Bottle</span> - Now this can be done with or without a bearded man. The guy in the picture told me that he had free candy and puppies back at his house that he would give me if I gave him a ride without pants on. I kept my end of the deal and this shiester didnt even have a bottle to build the ship in. And thats all I have to say about that.<br /><br /><br /><br /><p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://alectosophelia.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/10/04/00roadrage.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 303px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 245px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://alectosophelia.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/10/04/00roadrage.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />8. <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Re-enact Dancing With the Stars Episodes</span> - This one is really killer. I think there must be some kinds of fumes or shit blowing on my face in my car when this happens, cause all I want to do is dance. With a random stranger that sucks at driving. That makes me really angry. Usually Im the dominant partner in the dance but sometimes my partner will get feisty. Usually I end the dance right then with an elbow to the temple. Hint: Immobilization is a hot dance move!!<br /></p><p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/02/b000056bsv01lzzzzzzz.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 337px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 350px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/02/b000056bsv01lzzzzzzz.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />9. <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Play Skip-It</span> - I have pretty long legs so let me offer that up to you as an explanation on how I can do this while driving. Ive only done it once and the thing around my ankle was a lead ball and chain, but it still counts. Let just say that the Renaissance Fair took offense to my groping and digiting of their fair maidens. Plus they were all a bunch of dorks in costumes in the summer heat. Advantage? rdfiii.<br /><br />That being said, Im sure I could think of many more things I do in my car, notably change my pants after sharting or cooking up a Jenkum lab. My creative juices have run out of me and that is in no way related to my visitation of Tube8 a few minutes ago. I went in with a bang and went out with a dribble...This is my most recent blog post (fireworks and galaxies explode, raining Megan Fox's and hundred dollar bills on people). </p>RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-31688720741336622152009-05-15T18:39:00.002-04:002009-05-15T18:58:18.139-04:00Lucky GraduatesIm sitting here at my desk and its 6:40PM. I got asked to work late tonight even though everyone knows NOTHING is going on after 4 o'clock on a Friday. I mean its time & half and it pushes me over 50 hours for the week, but still Im just sitting here. Ive had 'What We Do' by Freeway ft. Jay-Z & Beanie Siegel on repeat for the last hour pretty loud because I am the only one within a 50ft radius. Ive been so busy this week that I havent even had time to write a real post...but dont fret, I have two pretty good ideas for next week & hopefully Ill snag some quality video of Kevy G this weekend. I figured I would just write off the top of my head in list form. Here goes:<br /><br /><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="font-size:180%;"><u>THINGS I WOULD RATHER BE DOING RIGHT NOW</u></span></div><div align="center"><u></u></div><ul><li><div align="center">Playing Mortal Kombat II</div></li><li><div align="center">Riding go-karts</div></li><li><div align="center">Sock 'em bopper war</div></li><li><div align="center">Eating food</div></li><li><div align="center">Sleeping</div></li><li><div align="center">Railing bitches</div></li><li><div align="center">Disregaurding safety</div></li><li><div align="center">An attractive female member of your family</div></li><li><div align="center">Paint by numbers window decorations</div></li><li><div align="center">Civil War reenactments</div></li><li><div align="center">Smashing my head in with a sledgehammer</div></li><li><div align="center">Trying my hand at agriculture</div></li><li><div align="center">Learning how to competitively jump-rump</div></li><li><div align="center">Interview Mike Tyson (seriously though, he is the man)</div></li><li><div align="center">Time traveling</div></li><li><div align="center">Seeing the new Star Trek movie</div></li><li><div align="center">Looking up Jessica Biel's skirt</div></li><li><div align="center">Finding who really killed Nicole Brown Simpson</div></li><li><div align="center">Collecting baseball cards</div></li><li><div align="center">Drinking Ten High</div></li><li><div align="center">Learning the ins and outs of holograms</div></li><li><div align="center">Develop an eating disorder</div></li><li><div align="center">Conquer said disorder</div></li><li><div align="center">Get a tattoo of Stone Cold Steve Austin</div></li><li><div align="center">Throw a boomarang...to myself</div></li><li><div align="center"><s>Blog</s></div></li></ul><p align="center"><s></s></p><s></s><p align="left"><br />I could literally write anything down and it would be better than sitting here complaining about how this sucks. Ill go out on a limb here and say I would rather be a real life Bill Pullman (or is it Paxton) in the movie 'Tornado' and drive around chasing tornados than be here at work. Cause at least he gets to bone Helen Hunt at the end of the flick. Im over here getting the shaft and hes laying pipe on the chick from 'Mad About You'. HR is going to get a very angry note in the "improvement box". Actually I would never waste my time doing something like that. Only idiots think a small note like that would advent change. What Im going to do is take a big dump in the box and then let it heat up in the microwave for an hour. See ya on Monday!</p><p align="left">For your listening and viewing pleasure I have decided to embedd possibly the worst greatest rap song and one of the coolest videos. Look for members of The Wire too.</p><p align="left"><br /><br /><script language="JavaScript" src="http://admin.brightcove.com/js/BrightcoveExperiences.js" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><object class="BrightcoveExperience" id="myExperience"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"><param name="width" value="400"><param name="height" value="346"><param name="playerID" value="10032373001"><param name="publisherID" value="1612833736"><param name="isVid" value="true"><param name="autoStart" value="false"><param name="@videoPlayer" value="15434655001"><param name="linkBaseURL" value="http://music.aol.com/video/what-we-do/freeway/1101429"></object></p>RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-6013179816672989142009-05-13T10:27:00.009-04:002009-05-13T12:14:59.155-04:00The Alien Vampire Robot Comes to PhillyThis Friday a good friend of mine, Kevy G, is coming to stay at my house for the weekend. He hails from Waldorf, Maryland but is suspected to be from another planet. Extremely sheltered before getting to Penn State, Kevy G has come out of his shell. His hobbies include lifting weights, wearing small t-shirts, and watching Nip/Tuck. He also enjoys a tiny couch. This is me and Kevy G chilling on a friend's couch. This couch is special to me because I sharted on it this one time.<br /><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335322266159731986" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP7wXTdGbfzwUFgz9CJUSFOHwb1AeyBifv9VgpxQj0MH-_EEiX-H6BC0CfckbGfEi0JI_oslKuUfeWI1dy7BgoOiXYMP4sqGGQWx0cLLmq-IS_-lElLZdb_3mp7C2XvFeBBKSNNPQvd-Q/s400/n9306625_30262823_4612.jpg" border="0" /></p><p>I have known Kevy G for close to five years. In that time, I have compiled a list of things he irrationally hates. They include: babies, unicorns, mayonnaise, and Halloween. He also has irrational love for somethings too. They include: dead baby jokes, vouchers, gorges, gargoyles, troglodytes, and boneless wings from Wings Over Happy Valley. He is a enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a level 10 sudoku puzzle.</p><p>Kevy G is a pro football freak. He even has a blog by the same title. Its on my sidebar link list, so I definitely recommend you checking it out if you want your brain totally melted from awesome professional football commentary. If his blog was a person and that person had a slogan it would be "Get money and fuck bitches...profootballfreak style". It would even print it on bumper stickers and hand them out at blogger conventions.<br /><br />Anyway, Kevy G is taking a train on Friday from Washington, DC to Philadelphia where my roommate, Jimmy is picking him up from 30th Street Station. I was all like "AYO Jimmy! Kevy G is coming to town" and he was all like:</p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335324627215059122" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 353px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXnVWg6MZE7w4J5I0Z5dF_eA1lCND1-1BRCVpT4dJBDkEwgB4nit0HcJ2a5myps_LgraZHsqqGqk-pcFaVOtaU0anyyC75ZbLotiMfG9gyWq9slMrY88TwJtHIj7oJ63tDQoXIfRNSy1I/s400/n9320863_43941870_7801.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br />So he was surprised to say the least. We have plans on Friday night to head to:<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335323844451697874" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 299px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 63px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYCf3WbIQZGJN2TOc4GRp_gVK4fN6c0zcC2FuWxP1CXSLsjBODyJIScnoPWCDIXZhyJT5m9GpvLorMOPDqdB8Ni5e2d6PLCIZbmf8y8mXTyHtLAZq4CDBPldFVWD4_AlgX6oMKUS-9EzI/s400/Manayunk.jpg" border="0" />Which is where I currently reside. Terrace Street Bombers represent. Since a lot of our friends live in and around the area and also enjoy hanging out with Kevy G, we should have an awesome turnout. Here are some dudes who I presume to be coming:<br /><br /><div align="center">Adam Scott:<br /><br /></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335323845309437394" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqWIK4cTWr0n8yfAH_0F2gOmm6gY0wLmhmsDqFPzDl2DdWHlaA8ICtaPf7DAEOzSPG4ZxKCxzzoPJm8225mtZeZH_RCmA2m2BxeJal5kVn4VJ5Adfsf19xdBjifxyNugHaFS-4S36mfk4/s400/n9306625_46653009_9973.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br /><div align="center">Ben T. Lee:<br /><br /></div><div align="center"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335323847432088562" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI6JEV2zx45R-7rDis-XK8juNPzBfAmr_k59GeiSbCHtuNZLlB0uVjwDoz5uoz73aq9hR13nRBapA8NPBLwAWKnlNlOmj0pcLmVkk4K8xbNx-HbLvcXPRVwQuUxygS4MunInzQ2IHDvFA/s400/n9306339_32878015_9119.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br />Young Harris:<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335324167424893778" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFCzGZm6iIrEWUQKHebRyaIUyvWdOEI9jM0Gr9O-2jsTwtJhWG64-7KiE5PoOmOYcnmIt5h5UWjK-FCOg68TTnGfRRc3lBAawxpMfIx8vm6IuhkKOoxbSFo4w15p72Kq8xax6-hKBFFLs/s400/n9306625_46654884_4835.jpg" border="0" /> </div><div align="center">The Bungler:<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335324166458681074" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 215px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 350px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKh-0bVE07rnQ9m90nqa34sprvU1Mo9kxoTV9rXnLHwyvzlSV_j2byuoxrp9BIKXkaNtp5UfcaSTRJ4CD31Job7zKNF4dZHXD8bofmDQWeoKs2Ojb0IFiprjblRfbkA0LadP-I0G9sKJs/s400/n9306625_46654875_1992.jpg" border="0" /></div><div align="center">Notorious P.A.T.:<br /><br /></div><p align="center"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335324167098380930" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 243px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG26Jso_zVFwyjUciZZOreD8QqwqHaWQ5K89Ndi4t4NFlCUjU08zX4xX5DsD-vn_KTR5ki05foclenOMZELmccTk7PO1Xr2l5nLpu1r7VG7uOkTLuqSfvVgKUjJOzSxM7qkEMwGXJNBa0/s400/n9306625_46653047_5810.jpg" border="0" /><br />Freeway:</p><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335323532982579922" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpjo4XmtkBaehxnNnkMYfEhE5XoTGsvDNlXDB5s0bk6qbxG2cTVks3rY2nxafpUvevZ1Cdad8LmT8mOCUUwlHfIor1Tkt2tcSbpKCDY8_Z4994b0AVxfvyuJVyH4_9SA11yUsuWXSyzUk/s400/freeway.jpg" border="0" /></p><p align="center">Madam Chetter:</p><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335324166683631650" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipxPlvbtYab03GP6FQCG9fS1nDJyHPo7MWDaE6MACU_CR1HYDoFh1ioVe88oKCtGm7OqbBN29ZbzYbQkk-JkuZCBv-WHY2o72uezeJaXpk_hBDf2uIFDob_7mAQv1iRTrwRosDGwzH_yU/s400/n9306625_46653023_7789.jpg" border="0" /></p><div align="center">Fackin' Hags:</div><br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335323531254726722" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 230px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 360px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0KHTCDQdDlmgYXMOOmOdI33OnvUZAmVG7MUOOIv61k7IQRep3WoLKpSPPzlz73_o7XD9AOgzE3_xVlKsDiAkFoOYAax4dKQGGm6JNAhaIIjvsEpy0fy_JPy3KFdKR9wsxwoUSZvybVZM/s400/2822_76407197334_629092334_1871766_5087829_n.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div align="center">Eppppppppstein. Wait, Epstein? Hes not going to be there. (mega frown)</div><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335323844772839490" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSfYMNtMA49xW6NWziqA-yqToia3mgr9LdZwjbCggOnE2KOWJoEQEccnnQx7w9AurJ2ZyDhn1YF0lr-iIj2tQGvKdY80AiN_SljEAXpDgMwbP8qSm0dfjsAcDHk8x5B5UgTj3r7sRWVm8/s400/n2201153_37801951_6788.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div align="center">Donny (far right, pointing at bum):</div><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335324630715510578" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2CiJRzCb2v3E88kG3Q_oJsZ5o-1O2mnZTs2hZCuCaIAq4AHqZq3wasl4Y1XMpmJMUSL6YvTD8n8ZDDYQSZIVQUaciLFNMrNpTIF7Q0AHr1W6Q8QiIOAc2CiwUJBF3R5Q0OOxVsv5mMH8/s400/n9378417_37770433_7978.jpg" border="0" />Ok I dont know why I put the last picture up since two of the four people wont be there this weekend. Hint: Its Kanoff and the sleeping homeless man from Pisa.<br /><br />So Friday night were all going to congregate in one of our backyards and catch up with our old friend. Most likely, we'll get a handle or two of vodka, some solo cups, ice, and plastic shot glasses and stand around a table. After we have assembled the accoutremon, we will fill one solo cup with ice and vodka then use another empty solo cup to strain the mixture into plastic shot glasses. I prefer red solo cups. We will then repeat the process as many times possible until the liquor runs out. Once its all gone its time for some hood-rat shit.<br /><br />Saturday, we are on a mission to get Kevy G one of these bad boys:<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335323535864561314" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 212px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5vbIfolohP5BeYQ2QmqMUERaaJcMhQOw0T266WSDsQybbD11zTH4r-LFZeywy-IqeHK1YHUaQ-V8xHa-d3aTk4COpdjnv2Sw6CCbCYK3GgXYV9Rd3e1OlCuQQAXy-p0a8Xs63-Dns4IQ/s400/56460cheesesteak.jpg" border="0" /><br />Most likely we'll go to Dalessandro's and get one, but there are plenty of other options. I, myself, think Chubby's across the street is good and there is always Jim's on South Street. Another option is hitting up Steve's. Leave a comment if you have any other good suggestions or wish to offer your sister to me to join my harem.<br /><br />Also, we might hook Kevy G up with some other Philly staples, such as:<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335324622512373058" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKBDgNSCHWRO22UPthaQn9Z_S8JymmjQum12vtcH4IpWqHi-tbNfkbn0bv55ZfAWjwZ7CkrMc0muouRs1_nkirYj3YG2-WCDG8fwr-aVL4hoAJASf3BZGkkp_hxzB8BA0ZyfTxlsPWeZg/s400/untitled.bmp" border="0" /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335324623544335666" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 268px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLkA-8UNtXMEtMyUTQmNBue62v_CABFLOD6wXHfGqxcS9f05DhpSEa98pVxdIKJqC1m_LD6mkzgvheFdejZy3G45IurYh4ifBi-RfUR963YV8_2hv8ZeRv8g-ryOCxu1SK65omCmgKlRo/s400/TastykakeCreamFilled.jpg" border="0" /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335331189655676914" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2uRIIQOIJY5llCYw03cSEZmr0VDpqxfLd1BFcrVQdfPpCkTVP3DoxlfDVMn2eKGxgaiQKERBCg5skjKCIMpx7Rbf8Us24TelMPWBgNW1Mvwrh9OPr6uH89aOax7U-L1A1fNvWGej6_QQ/s400/philadelphia-phillies-ring.jpg" border="0" /><br />I really wanted to hit up a BYO all-you-can-eat sushi place Saturday night but I think people have shot down my idea. This looks pretty good though.<br /><br /><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335323535883969250" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig-N6uVvN82T2TT_6Pso0vaXOC-4hzkrnaVdM6TUT4cHsrpkxPtXgmcjLLp7gQIDVLxrlgm-oFWiIbzw2VUOOq5MD13tu7TJdAtn3reBqhgxPIAXcwUnXMP0XpWOXYpcfVqg1mzdZ9i-M/s400/highres_5610958.jpg" border="0" /></div><br /><br /><p>Saturday night will be more debauchery in either Manayunk again or Center City. Ill provide details later of what happened but chances are I wont remember it. This is what could happen:</p><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335324167553957746" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglN89690aN0YQbktiZeQnwiAewswT_fBvXyLr4AIpHaETeqnuCL-N6_XGTACejfDhB-Plaxu4uGRiO_gSXzoudm6n_kBIyjnDGC9KogrjjcNGaq2ODJcBkO72OUvAalVQkgdMuunKgNEI/s400/n9306625_54251849_6832.jpg" border="0" /></p><p>This is Kevy G (incognito) getting freaky on the dance floor with some college co-ed. She gave him a rusty trombone later this night and left him with a mean case of cock-burn. She had mad callouses on her hand. Nasty bitch!<br /><br />This is an altered picture of Kevy describing how many girls he MACKED on while in the 215. </p><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335323528775361186" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 360px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUXQ2n7jhAwcnql3m67wFDHW-O0V4kHfqMrpIBnyUsVLncdPA0XPlEIHrZoLfoEq-uHQZT1Uw2FmlGkDDvnZoT3lwW8BGHQJaT9lcIQ2Jm5zeoIKHmMXchkqRF8orOt7eOUndjlJcqJL4/s400/00wilt.jpg" border="0" /></p><p>The ladies truly fight for his delight. I am hoping for an awesome weekend chock full of Kevy G and the hilarious things he says or does. Hopefully someone will have a digital camera so I can post some pictures and also video of his stay this weekend. Please stay tuned. If you want to text him random things his phone number is 301-643-5299. </p><p></p><p></p>RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-15492527583952695992009-05-12T11:54:00.004-04:002009-05-12T12:39:44.515-04:00Smile at the Camera<span style="font-size:130%;"></span><br /><div>I found this website that posts goofy family photos and makes a quip about the picture. Most of them were stupid or uncreative so I thought I would pull a OJ and take a stab at it. What? Was that in bad taste? Moving right along...</div><div><br /></div><br /><div></div><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 375px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 328px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://awkwardfamilyphotos.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/bender-family4.jpg?w=577&h=480" border="0" /><br /><p align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;">This family loves a day at the slopes. A little skiing, building a snow man, touching dad's leg...</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br />I wonder how many panties dropped as a result of this picture for these kids in high school. This ranks #7 on worst things to show someone from your wallet...right behind "a rusty blood-stained razor blade" and right in front of "membership to NAMBLA"</p></span><br /><div align="center"><a href="http://awkwardfamilyphotos.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/royalsegaranfamily1.jpg?w=600&h=408"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 416px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 293px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://awkwardfamilyphotos.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/royalsegaranfamily1.jpg?w=600&h=408" border="0" /></a> <span style="font-size:130%;">Is this Aladdin's family all grown up? </span><br /></div><div align="center"><br /><div><a href="http://awkwardfamilyphotos.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/ye-old-awkwardness.jpg?w=450&h=600"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 321px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 515px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://awkwardfamilyphotos.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/ye-old-awkwardness.jpg?w=450&h=600" border="0" /></a> <span style="font-size:130%;">Radagast the Curly in the back cast a Level 17 Ultimate Virginity spell on himself before putting on that outfit.<br /></span><br /><div><a href="http://awkwardfamilyphotos.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/christmascards-1.jpg?w=300&h=450"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 450px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://awkwardfamilyphotos.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/christmascards-1.jpg?w=300&h=450" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:130%;">World's Best Dad, Im going to need you to take your creep smile down to a level six. I would bone your wife though, Ill give you that...oh and probably kick your dog on the way out.</span><br /><br /><div><a href="http://awkwardfamilyphotos.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/schwartz-family-or1.jpg?w=495&h=328"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 376px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 266px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://awkwardfamilyphotos.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/schwartz-family-or1.jpg?w=495&h=328" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:130%;"> "Hey lets get a family picture"</span><br /></div><div><span style="font-size:130%;">"Great Idea, Sue!"</span><br /></div><div><span style="font-size:130%;">"Wait lets all surround ourselves around Mom and Dad while they make out!"</span><br /></div><div><span style="font-size:130%;">"Another fantastic idea Sue, but can the grandkids also watch?"</span><br /></div><div><span style="font-size:130%;">"I dont see why not"</span><br /></div><div><span style="font-size:130%;">"Ok wonderful! Everyone take their positions!"</span><br /></div><div><span style="font-size:130%;">"Wait, lets all wear varying shades of blue to give off a Canadian Tuxedo vibe."</span><br /></div><div><span style="font-size:130%;">"Sue you are on fire today!"</span></div><br /><div><span style="font-size:130%;">Idiots.</span><br /></div><br /><div><a href="http://awkwardfamilyphotos.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/video_control1.jpg?w=638&h=520"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 412px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://awkwardfamilyphotos.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/video_control1.jpg?w=638&h=520" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">OK I know this is 80s/early 90s but when was it ok to look like this. "Hey lets look like DOUBLE the asshole by posing with our identically dressed twins!". 10 extra points for what look like ass-less leather chaps over your acid-wash denim. Before I go to bed tonight Im going to pray that these people still pose for this picture every year...except that the dudes have gone bald and rock skullets.<br /></span><br /><br /><div><a href="http://awkwardfamilyphotos.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/duck-tape-prom-patriotic.jpg?w=373&h=560"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 269px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 504px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://awkwardfamilyphotos.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/duck-tape-prom-patriotic.jpg?w=373&h=560" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">Mr. and Mrs. 2009 Black Captain America. </span></div><br /><div><span style="font-size:130%;">AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!<br /></span><br /></div><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 261px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 386px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://awkwardfamilyphotos.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/weirdest-family-photo-ever-probably-nsfw.jpg" border="0" /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">Is this a recipe for a dysfunctional childhood? Mom get a razor for Christ sake and Dad please get your balls out of my face</span><br /></div><div> </div><div align="left">I wish there were more pictures for me to post but the rest either werent funny or they had weird URLs and wouldnt let me link them. I thought about doing a Google image search and posting my own, but I think Ive looked at enough weirdos for the day. That is, until I go to my Quidditch practice today! Shotgun Gryffendor! No way you were Gryffendor last time! Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmm, he wont give me back my wand! Magical PEW PEW PEW.<br /></div><div></div></div></div></div>RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-83319126690345776292009-05-11T10:05:00.007-04:002009-05-11T11:53:49.425-04:00Christopher Walken Pisses ExcellenceYesterday for Mother's Day I went over my moms and cooked her a nice dinner. I grilled up some steak, mashed up some potatoes, and medleyfied a bag of vegetable medley for the meal. Oh and I also got her a box of white grenache, Franzia style because thats what she requested. After dinner I was feeling quite exhausted since I went to bed late the previous few days and also had a few cocktails before, during, and post dinner. Logical decision was to stay over and go straight to work in the morning.<br /><br />TV sucked so I decided to watch <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_of_New_York">King of New York</a>, which I had received as a Christmas Present. Christopher Walken plays this bad-ass kingpin gangster dude named Frank White, which is who Notorious B.I.G. references many times in his songs. It also has Lawrence Fishburn, David Caruso, Steve Buscemi and Wesley Snipes among others. Awesome movie, so I recommend seeing it. Not to spoil anything, but there is one scene where a drug deal is about to go down between Walken's crew and some South American dudes. Things are pretty tense because they cant agree to a price and all of the sudden Lawrence Fishburn bursts in the door dressed like a bell-hop and screams "ROOOOOOM SERVICE MOTHERFUCKAZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" and shoots up the room. Very random and gangsta.<br /><br />The point of this entry is how much I enjoy Christopher Walken. Off the top of my head I can tell you he is awesome in The Deer Hunter, Batman 2, Pulp Fiction, Suicide Kings, Catch Me If You Can, Waynes World II, plus all those SNL appearances. His delivery and rhythm of speech makes him very funny without appearing to be intentional. Instead of ranting about my man-crush on him, Im just going to post my favorite media of him.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XtuPvwBa2U">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XtuPvwBa2U</a> - SNL Census<br /><br />This really sucks that youtube wont let me embed this video clip because this is one of the funniest skits I have ever seen. Walken plays a weirdo who may or may not have just got out of jail and is engaged by a Census worker. He asks Walken all these questions and just receives off the wall answers. Example:<br /><br /><em><span style="font-size:85%;">Census-Taker: So, you work a full day?</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-size:85%;">Mr. Leonard: I wouldn't say that. There are huge chunks of time.. at night.. where I'm just asleep. For hours. It's ridiculous.</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></em><br />This is a video that is extremely well known and has spawned several novelty t-shirts:<br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/HQKOZTHwE8g&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><br /><br /><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/HQKOZTHwE8g&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />SNL is really gay and doesnt let their videos on youtube, so this is some weird picture mash-up w/ the audio from the skit. <div><div></div><div>Some dude got a tat of Walken. Thats pretty extreme bro.<br /></div><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 243px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 408px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_LuWNwQ8bVQ8/SbNUD-J6x3I/AAAAAAAAE4k/lmkUraEC-b4/tattoo-christopher%20walken_l_thumb%5B2%5D.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br />Aside from the Census video, this is probably one of my favorite Walken pieces. His "two mice" speech he gave in Catch Me If You Can:<br /><object height="340" width="560"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/51lFmdChOA0&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><br /><br /><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/51lFmdChOA0&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object></div><div></div><div>This is from when they are playing russian roulette in the Deer Hunter. Trippy movie.</div><div><br /></div><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 359px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 175px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.geocities.com/cinemorgue2/christopherwalken.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br />Here is a clip of Christopher Walken on the Simpsons reading to small children:<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ob37KzlUEPA&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ob37KzlUEPA&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Ive never seen this movie but I think it comes out soon. Looks pretty sweet.<br /><br /><div><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 323px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 537px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Christopher-Walken-christopher-walken-506005_480_640.jpg" border="0" /></div><div></div><div>I just got really busy at work so this post sort of lacks any humor or direction, but I hope you enjoyed the Christopher Walken stuff. This is probably the worst entry I have done yet but...here are some links for more Christopher Walken enjoyment:</div><div> </div><div></div><div><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000686/">IMDB</a></div><div><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_Walken">Wiki</a></div><div><a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.walken2008.com">2008 Campaign Site</a></div><div><a href="http://www.blogger.com/celebratingchristopherwalken.com/index.htm">Celebrating Christopher Walken</a></div>RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-71276137318383297112009-05-07T12:30:00.007-04:002009-05-07T14:55:49.045-04:00Panini Appreciation DayI love <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Paninis</span>. I feel that any sandwich can be instantly made 10x better by throwing it in a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">panini</span> press. While I currently do not own a press and toast my sandwiches in the toaster oven, it is #4 on my list of cool stuff I need to buy sometime. I am a HUGE fan of sandwiches in general for their <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">versatility</span> and flexibility, but a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">panini</span> is one of my favorite versions. I figured I would share my 'recipe', if you will, for a groin-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">grabbingly</span> good <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">panini</span>. To quote Moe <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Syzlak</span>, "its like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">theres</span> a party in my mouth and everyone is invited". Here is a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">guaranteed</span> taste bud boner inducing <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">panini</span>:<br /><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><br /><div>This <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">panini</span> contains grilled chicken, fresh mozzarella, roasted peppers, lettuce and a delicious garlic-pesto spread. These are the moves you need to make to obtain a one-way ticket to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">tastetown</span><br /><br /></div><br /><div>First you need to get some fresh Italian bread and slice it up good and thick like this:</div><br /><div></div><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 330px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 287px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.goodeatsoftexas.com/olive_bread3.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div>Next you want to season up some chicken breast with salt, pepper, and garlic powder then grill that bitch up. Cook it about 4/5<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">ths</span> of the way through since it will continue cooking off the heat and also a bit in the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">panini</span> press. After taking it off the grill, you should see this:</div><br /><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 361px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 271px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://kevinandamanda.com/recipes/images/grilled-chicken-penne-pasta-tomato-cream-sauce/grilled-chicken-penne-pasta-tomato-cream-sauce-07.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div>For the spread, you need to mix equal parts pesto (basil+olive oil+pine nuts) with mayonnaise. If you are watching your figure you can use light mayonnaise. If you <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">arent</span> watching your figure you can use 2x fat mayonnaise to suit your fancy. Top it off with some garlic powder and set aside until sandwich assembly time. If you made more than enough for one sandwich and stored it in a bowl, it would be similar to this:</div><br /><div></div><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 317px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 214px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd9ia21CV0iYVGYs5CMcrXqowyyyWKYNg5ErcQo5hJ1aSEKVw0bIvKWFgqOMJdQPnRN2dKv5DYdWYKBIikS1DueJIsX35NwCfOSUheaKP3jO9dHArLxeuAdYjJoNn6Y0YSj9AjcCiQ3CMX/s400/DSC00720.JPG" border="0" /><br /><div>Now its time to open the jar of roasted red peppers. A jar of roasted red peppers looks like this (personal results may vary):</div><br /><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 368px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 451px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://img.alibaba.com/photo/11027396/Red_Roasted_Peppers_Capsicum.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br /><div>Now any old idiot can get some iceberg lettuce and use it in a sandwich, but I feel its too generic to nestle in the middle of my divine creation. Arugula has a stronger flavor and also adds a nice color contrast to the roasted peppers. One time I spent my summer working on an arugula farm and this is what I saw every day:</div><br /><br /><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 349px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 409px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://kolya.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/arugula_one_month.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div>Last, but certainly not least, is the fresh mozzarella. Slice it into rounds like so:</div><br /><div><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 311px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 322px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.finecooking.com/assets/uploads/posts/5332/ING-fresh-mozzarella1_sql.jpg" border="0" /></div><br />Now you have all your ingredients handy, its time to heat up your <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">panini</span> press. If it <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">doesnt</span> look like this you bought the wrong appliance. You probably bought a quiche maker. Fag. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Panini</span> press:</div><div><br /></div><div></div><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 280px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 280px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://poorcouture.net/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/hamiltonbeach-panini-press.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div><br />So put on your <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">panini</span> assembling gloves and lets get started:</div><div><br /></div><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 322px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 579px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.la-babycakes.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/p1010022_edited.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br />Damn, those are some terrifying gloves. </div><div> </div><div>Spread some of your pesto mayo on each piece of bread and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">dont</span> be skimping on it. Next put your chicken breast down. Once the chicken is securely in place on the slice of bread, you can now lower a disk of mozzarella on top of it. Always look both ways before though. Safety is the key to delicious sandwich making. After the chicken and mozzarella have become friendly, you can give them an arugula blanket so they can get more intimate. Top off with the roasted peppers as some sort of food-sex-<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">prophylactic</span> euphemism. Lastly, butter the outside of each piece of bread so you will get some kick ass grill marks and also some good flavor. Toss that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">jaun</span> on the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">panini</span> maker and you are two to three <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">mintues</span> from a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">mouthgasm</span>. If your imagination sucks and need some photo stimulation help, here you go: <div> </div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 334px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 361px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://primecuts.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/paninipress.jpeg" border="0" />Wow that looks terrific. Once your <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">panini</span> is done in the press you can commence consumption. Be careful, it might be hot. Also, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">dont</span> get your hand stuck in the press by accident. Grill marks on sandwich = good. Grill marks on hand = you are an idiot. Here is a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">tantalizing</span> close-up of how sexy your sandwich could look if you followed all my instructions. Model pictured here is my thesis sandwich when I was going for my masters in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">Panini</span> making from Philadelphia Sandwich Technical Institute. Lets go Wildcats!<br /><br /><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 355px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 282px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/6066/28_2008/DSC07431.preview.jpg" border="0" /><br />There you have it. A terrific, step-by-step guide on how to make a mouth-banger of a sandwich. If you are a hot chick and would like to make me a sandwich while I sit on your couch and drink beer please leave a comment. </div><div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-62261554448154840612009-05-06T16:24:00.004-04:002009-05-06T16:57:47.233-04:00Busy DayI <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">dont</span> really have a big post planned that is going to knock your socks off since I am terribly busy at work today. The power went out twice this morning and really fucked everything up. The first <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">outage</span> was only about five minutes but when the second one happened fifteen minutes, it proved to be much longer. Everyone just sort of sat at their desks for a few minutes waiting for the lights to come back on until our safety commission (4 middle aged women armed with tiny flashlights) informed us we would need to relocate to the cafeteria. Now I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">didnt</span> realize a power <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">outage</span> was that big of a deal to make us leave our desks, but apparently these women take their safety roles very seriously. Thanks Doris, I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">wouldnt</span> want to just put my head down on my desk and hurt myself because there are no lights on. Its not like it was pitch black either. It was so boring just standing around. I actually tried to go back to my desk to get my keys so I could sit in my car but I would stopped by a flustered woman waving her flashlight in my face. After a 25 minute wait in the packed cafeteria (hope no one has hamthrax!) every employee was allowed to go back to their desks. What a waste of time.<br /><br /><br />I have seven full posts in the book now and have received some very positive feedback. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Im</span> very glad people have taken the time to contact me and let me know what they think of it, it gives me more motivation to write. There is nothing I love more in the world than making people laugh. Well I do love me some boobies, so Ill call it a tie. If you are a daily reader, please <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">dont</span> hesitate to leave a comment about the post or even an idea for a future post. My ultimate goal with this (when I get more readers) is to make this a very interactive blog. Once I get to that point I will explain in further detail what I mean, because its a pretty cool idea. The one downside to this blog is that I feel like my text column is too narrow. I like making random MS Paint stuff and feel their genius deserves full resolution but when I try to post them here, they get cut off on the sides. It is very frustrating. My HTML <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">isnt</span> really up to par and I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">havent</span> seen a template that is simple enough to be comparable to what I have going on now, so for now, this column width will have to do.<br /><br /><br />On the personal front, things are going great. I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">dont</span> really want this blog to be the run of the mill "oh yesterday I did this" or "I have feelings like that about" so Ill keep it short and sweet. Work is going well, living on my own is awesome, I play on a really good <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">mens</span> league basketball team once a week, and my social life is great. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Im</span> really looking forward to nice weather and the summer. For some reason I am really craving the beach, which I usually am indifferent about. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Thats</span> about it and I will end this post with a picture that has been cracking me up for the last few days:<br /><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5332814100690715298" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij9Z3vurBditDOA3SNRFI61ihnVS6DuAZqCZuSxrntVfVBqHDJ4QWSLWv9WlGs2O7pMPERMFDaWShKwWdP-DBxPxcc4SinG7dCvYCcledjPWcwCkfMEZGz7epRi_G4oWPyCeMc6cekTpY/s400/partydog.jpg" border="0" />This dog is awesome. I want to start a gang with him and dive into peoples' pictures rendering them ruined. If anyone knows this dog, tell him to leave a comment so I can get the ball rolling.</p><p>Also, here is a video I saw yesterday called the "Yes Dance". Its done by a couple of funny gay men in some sort of homosexual sex dungeon or something. No nudity and its probably <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">SFW</span>.<br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/FVuvAYzsLoM&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/FVuvAYzsLoM&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /></p><p><br /></p>RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-18041504906697599312009-05-05T12:33:00.005-04:002012-05-04T09:19:59.263-04:00The 5th of the MayoHappy 5th of May amigos. Now before you start getting all crazy with your Coronas w/ lime or margaritas w/ Jose Cuervo, I need you to understand the culture behind this great Mexican holiday. We as Americans have bastardized this day into a drinking fest, sort of like St. Patrick's Day or Arbor Day but that is not what it is all about. This glorious day represents the blood, sweat, and pinatas the citizens of Mexico have endured over the years. Gather 'round children, let Senor Russito spin you a story of how Cinco de Mayo came to fruition. Actually Ill let Wikipedia give you some background and I will expound on it, mang.<br />
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<span style="color: #999999; font-family: arial; font-size: 85%;">"In 1861, Mexico ceased making interest payments to its main creditors. In response, in late 1861, France (and other European countries) attacked Mexico to try to force payment of this debt. France decided that it would try to take over and occupy Mexico</span><span style="color: #999999; font-family: arial; font-size: 85%;">. France was successful at first in its invasion; however, on May 5, 1862, at the city of Puebla</span><span style="color: #999999; font-family: arial; font-size: 85%;">, Mexican forces were able to defeat an attack by the larger French army. In the Battle of Puebla, the Mexicans were led by General Ignacio Zaragoza SeguĂn. Although the Mexican army was victorious over the French at Puebla, the victory only delayed the French invasion of Mexico City</span><span style="color: #999999; font-family: arial; font-size: 85%;">; a year later, the French occupied Mexico. The French occupying forces placed </span><span style="color: #999999; font-family: arial; font-size: 85%;">Maximilian I</span><span style="color: #999999; font-family: arial; font-size: 85%;"> on the throne of Mexico. The French, under U.S. pressure, eventually withdrew in 1866-1867. Maximilian was executed by President Benito Juarez</span><span style="color: #999999; font-family: arial; font-size: 85%;">, five years after the Battle of Puebla."</span><br />
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Now if you ask me thats pretty bad ass. Those idiot French thought they could be all bad ass in Mexico but that was certainly not the case. No surprise at the French surrender though. After talking to my dad's landscaper, I found out that this is like Mexico's version of our 4th of July, although it is made of lesser quality material in unsafe factory conditions. They usually light fireworks or shoot pistols into the air for no reason down in Mexico so its not entirely like our 4th of July, but it is important nonetheless. I went on an inner spiritual journey to determine what I appreciate most about Mexico. See cheap manual labor and delicious hand-picked fruit seems like a cop-out to me, so I tried to go even deeper. This one is for you Danny Trejo.<br />
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<span style="font-size: 180%;">"Stuff That Gets Me Hard About Mexico"</span></div>
<img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5332409173128349250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA2T-Ecg_tMWqZOpC8sUSDNiF73KJN4kcAhRmtvhyajeVVAQwCkh0ksU4jA9TPA_dAwePsAS3IcqvDv4Iq6G0m9ZwFPpNE824awIZEBVYrySh816TV5QH8hwZlw9xTLIgzkj66QI_twLU/s400/mapa_mexico_rutas.gif" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 355px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 432px;" /><br />
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We'll start at the top and go clockwise around this masterpiece.<br />
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1. <strong>Mexican Flag</strong> - I sort of just added this in along with the map in the background to avoid any confusion with any other Spanish speaking country. The flag is sorta cool because it has an eagle. Eagles are fierce. </div>
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2. <strong>Dirty Mexican Shwag</strong> - Its actually a picture of hops since I cant really do google image searches at work about Mary J. Thank you Mexico for growing this stuff so people can afford to not be not low at a reasonable price. </div>
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3. <strong>Che Guevera</strong> - This dude was an important revolutionary figure in ... uh ... Cuba? On top of that he is from Argentina. This is my bad, but I couldnt take him out of the picture with out starting over. He met Fidel Castro in Mexico though, so I guess it is semi-relevant. Killer locks man.</div>
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4. <strong>Speedy Gonzelez</strong> - This mouse was very very fast and also had miniature firearms to fire around when excited. The word "Arriba" means "turtle" in Spanish. He also had a cousin named <a href="http://www.speedyscousin.com/">Slowpoke Rodriguez</a> who was some sort of retarded pot head mouse. Stereotypes in early cartoons are awesome.</div>
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5. <strong>Mayan Pyramids</strong> - Apocalypto was such a sweet movie. This pyramid wasnt in the actual movie, but I bet Jaguar Paw railed his wife on the steps a few times after he was a big movie star.</div>
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6. <strong>Salma Hayek</strong> - Her tits are ridiculous and so is her ass. On top of that she is good looking and has a sexy accent. One time I had a dream she was serving me steak & shrimp fajitas while I was sitting on a sweet beach in Mexico. Also she was naked and we had intercourse. Thank you Mexico. One time she <a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/02/10/salma-hayek-breastfeeds-a_n_165676.html">breast-fed starving African babies </a>too (with bonus video goodness). Her boobs are like the gifts that keep on giving.</div>
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7. <strong>Danny Trejo</strong> - This guy is the stereotypical Mexican badass. Remember him in the movie Desperado? He had like 56 throwing knives strapped around his body and flung them with deadly accuracy. Too bad he was mistaken for "El Mariachi" and eventually killed, but not before wasting like 15 henchmen. He was also the rapist on Con Air who was told that if his dick jumped out of his pants, he would be jumping out of the plane, by Cyrus the Virus.</div>
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8. <strong>Lucha Libre</strong> - This is 10000x better than the movie "Nacho Libre" with Jack Negro. I won tickets to that movie through 93.3 and I took my friend along. It was the suckiest sucky movie in the history of sucktacular suckfests. I actually fell asleep half way through and havent watched it to this day. I would like those six hours of my life back. Lucha libre is sweet because they are grown men in masks wrestling with each other for meager winnings.</div>
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9. <strong>Benecio Del Toro</strong> - His name means Benny the Bull. Who is the mascot for the Chicago Bulls. Michael Jordan played for the Bulls. He is awesome. Small word eh? Plus I think he also boned Scarlet Johanson. He was good in Traffic too.</div>
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10. <strong>Champagne Cola</strong> - If you havent tried this Goya-brand soda yet please do. It tastes like a cotton candy cream soda on acid. Well not on acid, I dont know why I said that. Its really good though. I know they sell it at WalMart next to the other Goya products (beans and shit) and its like 2/$.89. You cant afford NOT to stock up on this stuff. </div>
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11. <strong>Tacos</strong> - More specifically, Mexican food in general. If you know me, you know I am a major fan of Taco Bell, but thats not what Im talking about here. Im talking about genuine Mexican cuisine. Freshly made tortillas stuffed with grilled meats, melted cheese, and fresh vegetables is divine. I would eat authentic Mexican food out of an authentic Mexican's authentic asshole if I was hungry enough. </div>
<br />Hopefully everyone now has a bit more appreciation for Cinco de Mayo now. Wow...I just popped the stiching on my Docker's khakis from rereading my own list. Reader beware.<br />
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</div>RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-90023916240580756692009-05-01T17:45:00.003-04:002009-05-04T10:10:06.214-04:00Where'd You Get This Post, the Toilet Store?I bet you have never even sat down and stopped to think about toilets and what they say about their owner. Did you know there might be at least one toilet for every citizen of the United States? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Wouldnt</span> that be cool if I just <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">didnt</span> make it up or say "might". You cant argue with facts. Id like to let you, the reader, take a stroll with me back in time to this morning, when the toilet seed was planted in my fertile brain.<br /><div><div><div><br /></div><div><div>I felt the need to utilize the facilities this morning at work so I stood up from my desk and strolled to the closest restroom. On the way out, I was passed by George* who was rubbing his pants vigorously on his slacks since normal paper towels <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">apparently</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">arent</span> as <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">absorbant</span> as his cotton-twill dockers. Both urinals were occupied so I made a beeline to the handicap (I like room while I pee) and noticed the water was still running in the toilet. I came to the conclusion that George* just made a bowel movement just moments earlier before passing by me. My conclusion was solidified when I saw brown racing stripes on the submerged <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">porcelain</span> and was slightly overwhelmed by the smell of said movement. One problem, the seat was up. Was George's ass so big that he <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">couldnt</span> sit on the seat? Was he a hoverer? Does he know some new cool way to poop and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Im</span> still doing it the old fashioned way? With all this running through my mind as I was urinating, it struck me as a great topic to write about.</div><div><br /></div><div>Since I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">didnt</span> really want to blog about George and his BM my mind wandered towards other things dealing with toilets. Should I write about how port-o-potties are always gross or how it seems like there is no toilet paper when you really need it? Or should I write about bidets are fucking weird and totally European. Nope, none of the above. Here is what I decided on:<br /></div><div><br /></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-size:180%;">Your Toilet and What it Says About You</span></strong></div><br /><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-size:180%;">by I.P. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Freerly</span></span></strong></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 244px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 212px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.treehugger.com/toilet-llqq-001.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div align="left"><u>Regular toilet</u> - You are an average person. You pee a bunch of times a day and most likely poop once a day too. Twice if you like fiber. You may read a book or a magazine while doing your business, but your main goal is to be in an out at a leisurely pace. Congratulations on being boring.</div><br /><br /><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 230px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 313px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3261/2675627992_b7d3fefbfd.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br /><div align="left"><u>Diamond toilet</u> - You are really rich. So rich that you decided to encrust diamonds on your already crusty abode. You might even have a similar amount of money as I do after my ad revenue kicks in. You probably have a snotty <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">attitude</span> though and are not pleasant to be around. You hire people to read books to you and also wipe your ass. If you probably <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">wouldnt</span> sue me for all my worldly possessions I would give you a swirly. Rich <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">douche bag</span>.</div><br /><br /><br /><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 252px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 455px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://reformnow.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/outhouse.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div align="left"><u>Outhouse</u>: This is the other end of the spectrum. If you are using an outhouse you fall under one of the following <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">categories</span>: From the deep rural south, from a third world country, or you are the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Unibomber</span>. You literally sit on a wooden bench and shit in a hole in the ground. The plus side of that is you have some sweet Stars n' Bars flag toilet paper and make some good moonshine. The South will rise again!</div><br /><br /><br /><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 215px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 244px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.hightechscience.org/ISS_Toilet_2.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div align="left"><u>Space Toilet</u>: I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">didnt</span> really ever think about these but I guess they exist, so here goes. You are an astronaut. Good for you overachiever. I hope the airlock <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">doesnt</span> suck your dick into space. Say hi to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Gleitsmann's</span> race if you see them.</div><br /><br /><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 312px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 223px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v399/rdf145/img001.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br /><div align="left"><u>Monster Truck Toilet</u>: You are a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">multitasker</span>. You are all things awesome since you can relieve yourself while crushing cars. One time, you were stuck in traffic and had a really important date to get to so instead of waiting in traffic like a sissy, you just drove over every car in your way. While taking a shit in the back toilet. The truck is operable from the throne because there is a hidden steering wheel idiot. To top it off your fiery exhaust burned all the crushed vehicles and incinerated their trapped occupants. The toilet is stainless steel and is also American made. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!</div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div>So there you have it. 99% of people fall under one of these <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">categories</span>. If you <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">dont</span> you are probably a fucking weirdo. Happy flushings.</div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><span style="font-size:78%;">*Not his real name. Its Teddy.</span><br /><br /></div><div></div></div></div></div>RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-69467440943179251762009-04-30T15:37:00.009-04:002009-04-30T16:14:21.730-04:00C.R.E.A.M.I have been monitoring the traffic this blog has been getting over the last few days and have one question to ask myself. If I put ads on, would I be <strong>selling out </strong>or <strong>cashing in</strong>? The answer? Cashing in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ya'll</span>. I figure Ill be getting a few million unique hits a day fairly soon, so I decided to put some ads on my site for some cash flow. Now I know you are probably saying "But Russ what if you <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">dont</span> get a million hits, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">durrrrr</span>" and shit like that but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Im</span> telling you now, this blog is going places. I am also looking for investors so I can add some sweet animation to my page or even get some sick HTML. Google says the ads should appear in 48 hours, so if you were thinking of telling India about me or some other huge base of readership, wait until then so I can collect some major cash flow from that. Until then, Ill be chilling out front of my new crib waiting to stack dough. Here is a picture my expensive photographer/publicist just took of me looking sweet and not taking shit from anyone: <a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v399/rdf145/russmahal.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 416px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 341px" alt="" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v399/rdf145/russmahal.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />And I know what you are thinking. Yes, those are my sacks of money and yes those are my stacks of money. This picture is 100% real (and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Ballin</span>'!!!!). You <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">aint</span> rich unless you own an <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">ankylosaurus</span> and whip 4 Rolls Royce Phantoms. My money is so long that Jay (not pictured, not wealthy enough) hand-delivered me my own <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Roc</span>-A-Fella chain. Tell the Sultan of Dubai or Richard <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Branson</span> to come see me cause I make them look like a third-world homeless person that somehow has negative money. And body odor. Broke bitches!!! Get at me if you need a loan or want to stay at the Russ-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Mahal</span> too.<br /><br /><br />Thumbnail if you want:<br /><a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v399/rdf145/?action=view&current=russmahal.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v399/rdf145/th_russmahal.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />The full version is 100x more blinged out so click it.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><p></p>RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-38176050286663387482009-04-29T15:23:00.006-04:002009-04-29T16:48:25.922-04:00Who's the Boss?<div align="center">Tonight is the last Bruce Springsteen concert ever to be played at the Spectrum and both of my roommates are going. They deny its a man date but I can <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">guarantee</span> that some arm around shoulder crooning will happen at least once tonight. More like fifteen times, but lets move on. As it is well known, Bruce Springsteen is also known as "The Boss", but what makes his claim to the throne more legitimate than others that have gone by the same moniker. This prompted me to research some of the other great "Boss" men out there. For sake of ease and your short attention spans, Ill start with Bruce himself:<br /><br /><div align="center"><strong><u><span style="font-size:180%;">Bruce Springsteen</span></u></strong></div><p align="right"><strong><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 218px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 223px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.chrisdellavedova.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/245-bruce_springsteen.jpg" border="0" /></strong></p><ul><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">From New Jersey (Born in the USA)</span></div></li><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">65 million albums sold in America alone</span></div></li><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">19 Grammy Awards</span></div></li><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">Makes a mean crab dip</span></div></li><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">Born to Run</span> </div></li></ul><p align="center"><span style="font-size:180%;"><u><strong>Rick Ross</strong></u></span></p><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 277px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 245px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://yazmar.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/01-rick-ross-100307.jpg" border="0" /><br /><ul><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Took name after notorious Miami coke dealer</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Middle name is Leonard</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Self-claimed biggest boss that you've seen thus far</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Hustles everyday</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Former corrections officer (hurts street cred)</span></li></ul><p><strong><u><span style="font-size:180%;">Boss Tweed</span></u></strong><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 299px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 256px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://vikimason.com/_borders/boss.gif" border="0" /><br /></p><ul><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Undisputed leader of Tammany Hall</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Sits on throne of canvas sacks with dollar signs on them</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Embezzled from 1.5 to 8 billion dollars ($2009) from NYC</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Avid stamp collector</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Doesnt</span></span> look both ways when crossing street</span></li></ul><p><strong><u><span style="font-size:180%;">Tony <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Danza</span></span></span></u></strong></p><p><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 345px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 497px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://operachic.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/02/02/danza.jpg" border="0" /></p></div><ul><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">Successful sitcom star</span></div></li><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">Can juggle chainsaws</span></div></li><li><div align="center"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luHRsQT5u48"><span style="font-size:85%;">Once flipped his Go-Kart on live morning television</span></a></div></li><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">May be half-retarded or Rocky Balboa's bastard child</span></div></li></ul><p align="center"><span style="font-size:180%;"><strong><u><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Bowser</span></span></u></strong></span></p><p align="center"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 256px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 224px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.mariowiki.com/images/a/af/Bowser333.png" border="0" /></p><ul><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">The original Mario boss</span></div></li><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">Can either throw hammers or spit fire</span></div></li><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">Found in 8-bit displays of fury</span></div></li><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">Loves scalding hot magma and trick bridges</span></div></li><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">Wanted to have some sort of weird reptile sex w/ the Princess</span></div></li></ul><p align="center"><strong><span style="font-size:180%;"><u>Ross Geller<img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://img149.imageshack.us/img149/2466/75cf.jpg" border="0" /></u></span></strong></p><ul><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">Not really a boss at all, but his name rhymes with it</span></div></li><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">Alter ego is David <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Schwimmer</span></span>, no <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5"><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">discernable</span></span> differences</span></div></li><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">Has a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">PHd</span></span> in being a douche and made his first wife turn gay</span></div></li><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">Has a hot sister that I would bone</span></div></li><li><div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;">Gets punched in the face in real life all the time</span></div></li></ul><p align="left">I thought about setting this up, bracket style, but then I realized an old fashioned cage match would be a better way to decide this. Right off the bat Rick Ross opens fire on the competition with his double gold plated .50 cal Desert Eagles. Geller and Tweed fall immediately while Tony D<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">anza</span></span> injures his head in a ski incident. Bruce Springsteen lets loose with a barrage of unintelligible song lyrics about New Jersey which momentarily stun Rick Ross, quieting his "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">gats</span></span>" for the time being. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Bowser</span></span> seems to realize that he is a prehistoric force to be reckoned with and goes <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">berserk</span> with fireballs, engulfing the ring in a huge <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">conflagration</span>. Since he can only be defeated by someone jumping on top of his head and the rest of the so-called "Bosses" are Colonel Sanders crisp, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Bowser</span></span> is your ultimate Boss in my opinion. Are you surprised? Look at the blog title and substitute "lasers" with "fire balls" and "cock" with "mouth". Boom roasted.</p><p align="center">You can vote for whoever you want in the sexy ass comment section or vote in the poll. Preferably both. Just leave your name, favorite pizza topping, and who you think is the Boss. Note: You are wrong and retarded if you <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">dont</span></span> pick <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Bowser</span></span>. </p><p align="center"></p><br /><br /><script language="JavaScript" src="http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=163037"></script><noscript></noscript><!-- END MICROPOLL JAVASCRIPT CODE -->RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-19654051274259215712009-04-28T10:57:00.010-04:002009-04-28T14:42:04.100-04:00Swine Flu Blues<div align="center"><strong><em><span style="font-size:180%;">"Look what I done did, Pa!"</span></em></strong><br /><br /><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 450px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 350px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.foxnews.com/images/286393/2_21_052507_MonsterPig.jpg" border="0" /><br /></div><div align="left"><br />The media and public are in a frenzy right now about this so-called swine flu outbreak. Mexicans, vacationers, and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">scrapple</span></span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">aficionados</span></span> everywhere are literally DYING over this silly pig sickness. Lets start with what we know about swine flu compared with regular flu:<br /><br /><strong>Swine Flu</strong><br /><br /><em>Symptoms</em>: Runny nose, sore throat, fever, aches, chills, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">vomiting</span></span>, diarrhea.<br /><em>Origin</em>: Mexico<br /><em>Deaths</em>: 150+ in Mexico<br /><em>Pros</em>: Free 7-10 day extra stay in Mexico. Free antibiotics.<br /><em>Cons</em>: 7-10 day <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">quarantine</span></span> in Mexico. Death. Cant eat pork tacos.<br /><br /><strong>Regular Flu</strong><br /><br /><em>Symptoms</em>: Runny nose, sore throat, fever, aches, chills, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4"><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">vomiting</span></span>, diarrhea.<br /><em>Origin</em>: Unknown. First report was by <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5"><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Hippocrates</span></span> 2400 years ago.<br /><em>Deaths</em>: Hundreds of thousands per year. Millions in pandemic years.<br /><em>Pros</em>: Sweet <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">facemasks</span></span>. No school for a few days. Maybe a hummer from a lonely night nurse if you are in the hospital.<br /><em>Cons</em>: Body aches and general discomfort from fever for a few days. Death if you live in a shitty third world country or are a geriatric living alone.<br /><br /><br />I guess its just me, but the only reason I can see the panic over this swine flu is because people are so concerned about Mexican citizens dying. Or the reason that its a highly <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">mutateable</span></span> affliction that human beings may have little resistance to. Like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">SARs</span></span> or avian flu. Either way, on paper it seems that the regular flu is way more destructive. I saw on TV this story about some family in Texas that had contracted it and were totally fine after a few days. The story would have been 10x better if it was about a family of strippers who <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">didnt</span></span> get sick but had an overwhelming urge to get naked at the building where I work at in Pennsylvania. Pretty much every story would be better like that. I guess what really bothers me about swine flu is how <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10"><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">susceptible</span></span> people are to panic. For the record, I took some grilled pork chops and sliced them real thin to have pork fajitas for dinner last night. Am I dead or dying or Mexican? No, I even went into work an hour early today. Time and a half bitches.<br /></div><br /><br />You want some real panic? Here are some real deal epidemics:<br /><br /><br /><br /><div align="left"><strong><span style="font-size:180%;">The <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Motaba</span></span> Virus</span></strong></div><strong></strong><p align="right"><br /></p><p align="center"><a href="http://sciencenotes.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/outbreak-morganfreeman.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 208px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 187px" alt="" src="http://sciencenotes.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/outbreak-morganfreeman.jpg" border="0" /></a></p><p align="right"><br /><br /><em></em></p><p align="right"><em></em></p><p align="right"><em></em></p><p align="right"><em></em></p><p align="right"><em></em></p><p align="right"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em>Symptoms:</em> Coughing, congestion, blood coming out of your mucus <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12"><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">membranes</span></span>, and Dustin Hoffman sightings.<br /><em>Origin:</em> That cute little monkey that traveled on a boat from Africa to California.<br /><em>Deaths:</em> ~100. Plus a bunch of African villagers.<br /><em>Pros:</em> All expenses paid free trip to a military hospital. An autograph from Renee Russo.<br /><em>Cons:</em> You literally bleed out every hole in your body for the last 48 hours of your life. Not covered by most HMO providers.<br /><br /><br /><u>Poop your pants factor</u>: 10x that of Swine Flu. I take solace in the fact Cuba <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Gooding</span></span> Jr. is such a slick shot w/ the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">tranq</span></span> gun. Take that outbreak monkey!<br /><br /><br /><strong><span style="font-size:180%;">Rage Virus</span></strong> </p><p align="center"><a href="http://outlandinstitute.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/28-days.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 206px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 202px" alt="" src="http://outlandinstitute.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/28-days.jpg" border="0" /></a></p><p align="left"><br /><br /><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em>Symptoms:</em> Uncontrollable <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15"><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">aggression</span></span> and unquenchable blood lust. Inability to speak <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16"><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">English</span></span>. Hissing & spitting.<br /><em>Origin:</em> England.<br /><em>Deaths:</em> ~99% of the population of England<br /><em>Pros:</em> No longer have any sort of need for money or status symbols. Can do whatever you want.<br /><em>Cons:</em> Walking target for British military. Covered in blood. Reduced sexual drive.<br /><br /><br /><u>Poop your pants factor</u>: 100x that of Swine Flu. Think of all those goofy English accents you will never get to make fun of again.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong><span style="font-size:180%;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Klumpitis</span></span></span></strong> </p><p align="left"><br /></p><p align="center"><a href="http://www.videodetective.com/photos/335/014103_23.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 209px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 204px" alt="" src="http://www.videodetective.com/photos/335/014103_23.jpg" border="0" /></a></p><p align="left"><br /></p><em></em><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em></em></p><p align="left"><em>Symptoms</em>: Obesity. Extreme flatulence.<br /><em>Origin</em>: America.<br /><em>Deaths</em>: One. Eddie Murphy's career.<br /><em>Pros</em>: Is semi-amusing the first time<br />encountering it. Will keep kids you are babysitting entertained for a few hours.<br /><em>Cons</em>: Wondering where those two hours of your life went.<br /><br /><u>Poop your pants factor</u>: 1000x that of Swine Flu. Led to Norbert and also Tyler Perry's whole career.<br /><br /><br /><br />I think <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">XKCD</span></span> puts it best when it comes to this ridiculousness. Bonus points: takes shots at idiots on twitter. Double zing!<br /><br /><br /></p><p align="left"><a href="http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/swine_flu.png"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 420px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 712px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/swine_flu.png" border="0" /></a></p><br />In conclusion, shake hands with as many Mexicans as you can and keep going back for 4<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">ths</span></span> on undercooked pork products because it could be a lot worse. Now if you'll excuse me my bacon stuffed sausage with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">canadian</span></span> bacon gravy sandwich (with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">scrapple</span></span> as bread) is ready.<br /><br /><strong><em></em></strong><br /><strong><em></em></strong>RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-34589412876047380722009-04-27T18:20:00.005-04:002009-04-27T18:28:18.242-04:00Now Thats What Im Fuckin' Talking About<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v399/rdf145/?action=view&current=trexpew.jpg" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v399/rdf145/?action=view&current=trexpew.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v399/rdf145/th_trexpew.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket" /></a><br /><br />My MS Paint skills are incredible. (Click for full version that is so bad ass that I punched an old lady)RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4227363405468773227.post-73672725632041574142009-04-27T13:12:00.007-04:002009-04-27T16:36:58.256-04:00Greetings and SalutationsFirst and foremost, welcome to the best blog ever made in the history of the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">internet</span>. That being said, I hope I can always provide a positive and entertaining experience when you are here reading my own personal thoughts. If you are easily offended or take yourself too seriously, please proceed directly to the roof of whatever building you are in and jump off immediately. If you are in a one-story building or underground just take a nap under the front wheels of the nearest 18 wheeler. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Ok</span>, now that we have that out of the way, let me shed some light on my personal background.<br /><br />I am a 23 year-old recent college graduate who lives in the wonderful city of Philadelphia. Five things I like are sports, reading, cute girls, cooking and making people laugh. Five things I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">dont</span> like are stubbed toes, American Idol, ignorance, small-town newspapers, and cock-blocks (not to be confused with novelty, penis-shaped <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Legos</span>.) People have told me that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Im</span> a funny guy and am a decent writer, so I figured I would combine them into one big stew of awesomeness. While I wont be focusing on one topic or subject here, most posts will be about my life encounters, random stuff I think about, cream soda, funny pictures or current pop culture. If you have a particular topic you want me to discuss, like robotic dinosaurs or the best type of beef jerky, drop a comment and I will write about it. Or <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">dont</span>, whatever its no sweat off my sack.<br /><br />Originally I wanted an embedded image in the lower right corner to stay stationary on the screen as you scrolled down, but my HTML is rusty so that wont be happening just yet. Anyone who can tell me how to do it please do so ASAP. As a reward for your wealth of HTML knowledge, I will mail you a 8.5 x 11 autographed <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">headshot</span> of Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes. Also, if someone is good w/ digital imaging or <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">photoshop</span>, please create a pissed-off, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">fluorescent</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Tyrannosaurus</span> Rex that has laser beams shooting out of its cock-area. No need to actually add the T-Rex cock, the lasers will suffice. But make the whole thing in pastels so it <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">doesnt</span> look like its actually that serious.<br /><br />For now I feel like keeping anonymity would be in my best interest, since I am a young professional that may discuss some things that wont please everyone. If you really need to know who I am and are a hot chick looking to crush, the comment section would be your best bet. Note: both of those conditions must be met in order for some serious mommy and daddy dancing to occur. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Im</span> sorta pumped to start writing again so lets see how this goes. Hopefully I wont tire of this too quickly.RDFIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293242694101828507noreply@blogger.com4